My Mum was diagnosed with what we thought was Ovarian Cancer three weeks ago. This was a huge shock to all of us. Mum did not take the diagnosis well she stopped eating, got very angry and unwilling to talk about anything. Fast forward to last weekend. She was admitted to Hospital last Sunday with a blood clot in her leg. This we hoped was a god send. She would get looked after, she would hopefully get some more information from the Gynae team etc etc. Well she did she got her CT done met some Docs there was hope of Chemo and a Hysterectomy she sounded more positive and started eating again. Brilliant we thought. Well she got home last Thursday and my sister called to tell me the cancer is in her stomach lining, womb, lymph nodes and some tiny spots in her lungs. So no operation now. They are going to give her chemo I assume to try and reduce tumours and give her some comfort. She goes in next week so see another consultant. The thing is am scared to ask any questions. Is she getting chemo next week or is it just another chat? How much chemo will they give her. I don’t want to know how long we have with her. I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do for the best. I don’t know how to support her and my dad and my sister. I am 48 by the way with 2 adult boys who are trying to take in the news and deal with their devastated mum. I don’t know how to get through this feeling of utter loss and support her as best I can while I have the chance. I’ went to see her on Saturday and she looks defeated and has yet again stopped eating. She was Talking about what’s to happen to her jewellery when she’s gone and that I’ve to make sure I look after my dad. I feel like she’s given up already. She is now not replying to any of our messages and is pushing us and her friends away. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether to give her space or keep pushing. I am a key worker and can’t really take time off and to be honest the only time I am not crying is when I am there. I am so sorry for the long introduction. Xx
Hi ,
Sorry to hear about your mother, though your story is not totally unfamiliar. As you note going in to hospital can be something of a relief though I know with my wife if she actually wants to go to hospital she needs it and her main aim in life when she gets there is to get back out again.
Surgery can be a very effective treatment if the cancer has not spread but once that has happened is often a risk with little in the way of reward.
We all recognize the "gap" between diagnosis and treatment starting is one of the most difficult times of all - the message we all get of get treatment started early is really to drive people to their GP.
It might help you to look at Looking after someone with cancer especially the coping with being a carer (even if not hands on anyone who carers is a carer).
I did a living with less stress course and it helped me to learn to live and enjoy things in the here and now - I was more than capable of painting any number of disasters that might happen and sometimes we talk about pre-grief.
A number of cancer patients of course want to be treated as far as possible like normal and it can be extra challenging keeping everyone in the loop, sometimes someone offering to be comms central to take the pressure of keeping everyone in the picture can be something really welcome.
<<hugs>>
Steve
