Dad’s terminal cancer

Hi Thea34

Thank you for taking the time to post here, you are most welcome, and I am sure you will find a great deal of support here.

I am really sorry to read about your Dad, any cancer diagnosis is a great shock, but a terminal diagnosis of a loved once feels, in my opinion as if you have just been enveloped in a clear but solid restrictor, one that causes anxiety, stress and concern. These are my feelings when I heard about my husband. A waking nightmare at the very best and at its worse, it was a overwhelming and intense sense of loss, regret, anger and disbelief all rolled into one

You mention mets, and that the doctor seems to be getting onto last resort treatment, what is it that you have been told? Are you able to share Dad's diagnosis? I ask these questions because it is sometimes easier to give you specific ideas, when there is a better understanding of Dad's situation.

As to how - in finding distractions, in honesty I have some trouble with that myself, but I keep telling myself that no-one is promised tomorrow yet, I don't worry daily about everyone else, not even my elderly parents, so I try to focus on the positive, I try to ensure that we look forwards and make plans. We don't hide our feelings, and we acknowledge bad days but we don't expect them. 

I hope that you are able to have great days with your Dad, and remember the treatment that is out there which may only be classed as palliative, can keep someone well and with us for many, many years.

Stay Strong

Lowe'

Hi Lowe,

Thanks so much for the reply. And I'm so sorry to hear about your husband – my thoughts are with you.

So basically, he was diagnosed nearly two years ago with secondary liver mets. Since then he's had immunotherapy, which he had a bad reaction to, so was taken off it. He's then had two ablations and an open operation where they found a load more mets than had been on the scans. He's just started a different course of immunotherapy, which we all sort of thought was working – there were a few months when there was nothing, and now a load more mets have shown up on the latest scan seemingly from nowhere. His doctor doesn't seem that surprised by this progression, but has said that basically surgery isn't an option any longer, so their going to try a type of radiation therapy, and I know google is my worst enemy, but it's called a salvage therapy, which to me means they're running out of options. And that just gets me thinking about what that means – I mean, if the treatments aren't working well enough any more, how long does that mean he has left? I just keep reading about how people are fine and well, like nothing's wrong, and then in a matter of weeks, they go downhill and then it's over. Which just terrifies me, that I won't see it coming. And particularly with Covid meaning we can't see him either!

Sorry – that was far too long a rant. I guess I just want to know the future... but that's not possible! It's just awful! It's awful for everyone who is going through something like this. Your words really helped, though, so thank you for replying, and for letting me get it all out.

Hi Thea

Here on the website there are so many different forums, for specific cancer, interests, conversation, alongside this one, have a look around... it is amazing how much information can be gathered from all the experiences that are shared on these pages. 

My Dad has recently been dual diagnosed, COPD and a cancerous ulcer in his stomach, he is 82..  I too would like to know the future, we are told it is treatable, not curable and terminal.. so I hear you! I acknowledge fully what you are saying and understand that probably, we over think things, so desperate for answers, (the future knowledge even) that we miss the todays and the tomorrows that we do have   I flit between my concern for Dad and my concern for my Husband but I also ensure I take time now, to have some concern for me.. this is emotionally draining, and to ensure we are in the best possible place to cope, support and survive what may happen, our emotional wellbeing is so important.. so PLEASE, When Every you feel like it. RANT Away.

I appreciate you sharing further details of Dad's story and I hope that the so called salvage therapy does the very best of jobs, some of the most precious things on this earth have been salvaged at one time or another, so, there is always hope.

Take Care and remember, we are here if you need us.

Lowe'