My dad has cancer and im lost

Hello

I'm not sure I can make sense of this for you but I can say I'm so sorry this is happening and send a big virtual hug.

My Mum has terminal cancer and I think she may be deteriorating presently and unexpectedly (although don't for sure as we are waiting for results from her most recent scans) so I have an understanding of how you may be feeling.

It is really hard to juggle every day life, job and trying to accept the situation. You are not alone. I too am struggling.

Hugs

Treebird xXx

hi both

and  

welcome to the online community , sorry you've had to come and find us but I'm glad you've found each other, that is the purpose of the site 

I found comfort in reading and responding to various posts about being diagnosed which was and is always a monumental shock and attempting to make sense of my own feelings as family members and friends passed. 

It does sound like you're experiencing an end of life situation but end of life can vary from a few hours to many months. 

Something we don't do in the UK because we're not trained or taught is how to experience an end of life situation and whilst it could be considered wrong to 'enjoy' it, it could be considered right to embrace it. 

Reminiscing seems to be a core feature, which can be promoted with photo albums.

I've found myself so many times not knowing what to say, but actually saying something that prompts a laugh about the good old days is probably the best you can achieve 

It might allow us to focus on the good times we had rather than the trying times we face, which won't last forever .

A week might seem like a lifetime but if it's the last week you have with someone it's precious and you need to make the most of it. 

hugs

Carolyn

xxx

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this, there is nothing that can truly prepare you for the rollercoaster this is, but we the community are always here for you.

I know exactly what you mean.

My Mum has a terminal brain and lung cancer and she has taken a turn for the worst. I'm trying my best to remain hopeful but also logical, and spinning all the plates of a recent 12-year relationship break-up, work, and life as we know it as well as being there as much as possible for mum. I'm lucky that I have the support of my aunt and nan (who she lives with) but I feel guilty when I can't be there as much as I'd like. 

I feel guilty for feeling happy.

I feel silly for feeling so terrible, (as it's not directly happening to me.)

And whenever I try to vent/release by talking to friends/work colleagues I feel they glaze over as they just want to hear "Yes, I'm fine" or "Yeh, I'm ok". 

I work in Early Years so having time to emotionally relax is pretty non-existent and it's exhausting.

But you know what, Just being there, helping wherever and whenever you can is what matters. 

Holding their hand. Talking about mundane everyday stuff. 

It's ok to Not be Ok in this situation. Only you know the best way to deal with this.

Hugs all around. Keep on being strong you Warriors.

Littlediddles xx

I just wanted to say a big thankyou to everyone that responded to my post. I very sadly lost my dad on the 7th June. These post helped me through the final days with my dad, I talked to him, helped the carers with his daily needs and helped my mum by supporting her and loving her the way she deserves to be loved and that will be on going forever. I miss my dad dearly, I saw him everyday and was with him when he took his last breath, at home in his bed where he wanted to be. I can't express how I'm feeling right now. Denial, hurt, upset, angry plus many more emotions. His funeral was a lovely testament to him, he was a character loved by many and remembered by all. I have my wonderful memories and each and everyone in the family has one of his traits which will live on forever.

Thankyou again everyone, 

Love and best wishes to you all.

hi

I'm sorry to read this but I'm glad you found a way to have a better experience and that the online community helped you

Don't forget to come back and chat to others and keep sharing, I feel a bit like I'm hauling the newbies into the lifeboats, that's why I stick around.

lots of love and hugs

Carolyn

xxxxxx