My dad is dying and I can't process it..

Alex and Steph, condolences  to you both in your loss, such a sad time for you both xx

Dear Alex,

I know the path through grief very well. Sometimes, after my mother died suddenly when I was young, I felt the grief would kill me. It's something we all work through one way or another. I used to talk to her, and still do sometimes. My dad and my brother died (24 years apart thankfully) and my very brave niece, who was only 36, died from cancer. I light candles and send them my love.

What you did for your dad was lovely; you cared for him so beautifully. The numbness fades gradually, but it can resurface unexpectedly.  I wish for you comfort in your grief and send you virtual hugs and love. Take care of you.

Linda xxx

Hi, I thought I might be able to give some advice as my mum passed away from lung cancer with Mets about a month and a half ago. 

My mum was ill for a lot longer than we thought she was, even than she thoughtt she was. But I can say that cancer is not simple, nothing showed up in her blood work even though she had a tumour on her lung, and the beginnings of tumours on her brain. I've heard from many people that lung cancer doesn't really produce any symptoms until it's too late and has already spread. On her notes it was "suspected primary lung cancer with Mets to brain and adrenal gland". They can never be sure where it started but I understand your frustration. It's completely possible it may have started in his lungs but sometimes you can be stage 1 without even having much change to the tissue. From what I understand once it gets into the blood and or lymphs is the main problem.

We had access to her whole medical folder when she came home to pass away, which I read through a couple of times to understand things, so if you'd like to ask anything then youre more than welcome to.

I know it's very hard for you, the thing that gives me solice is that she's not in pain anymore, and she it was a dignified and peaceful ending for her. Even though it was far too quick. She was only 62.

I understand your pain.

Hope some of this helps with any confusion that you may of had and please again, don't hesitate to ask me anything :) 

Amy x

Thank You all for your lovely words. 

It's been over a week and I feel numb. I went to see him in the chapel of rest and was glad I did, he looked so peaceful- I don't feel that he was there- that was just his body.. I didn't feel upset either which was unnerving. 

I wonder if I'm not grieving yet.. or did the grief process begin before he died.. I don't know.. I just know I would do anything for another day with him. My 12 year old daughter is struggling with it, she feels guilty for all the times she nagged me to go as she was bored! 

I've explained guilt is part of the grieving process we all feel it.. 

He had a wonderful funeral with a horse drawn hearse through his old haunts. He was a jockey and trainer so this was very fitting. I just felt so incredibly sad that he wasn't there to see it.. or to enjoy the sunny day either.. 

I'm sorry for your losses too. The finality of it is just hideous. My world is a darker place right now xx

Dear Lexi26,

Grief has a habit of stabbing you in the stomach just when you think you're getting over it. We all go through feelings of guilt, utter sadness and feeling bereft. My stomach and heart felt empty, like a raw pain that can't be eased. But my beliefs tell me that your Dad was there seeing it.

Please assure your daughter that her feelings are perfectly normal. I went through that with my Grandad. I chose to spend my money on a coat instead of going to see him immediately and decided to visit him the next month. He had gone by then. It's always a journey, like dark rooms and tunnels of pain with occasional relief. The numb feeling is just as normal too. I'll be thinking of you as you go through it all. 

Love from

Linda xx

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