Having a bad day

Love to you all. Im guessing we will all b a little bit worse. Im a mess at the moment. Cannot stop crying. Nobody to cup my face in the way mum did. Feel like my sobbing needs to be in private as others cant cope with it. Sad.

Well done for going Elenium - I think that is super strong of you.

I know the sort of dreams you mean - sometimes I get the opposite ones, where you wake up and for a second feel happy and light and think it was all a nightmare / forget anything is wrong and then it comes crashing back to reality. 

You gave me some advice the other day and I just wanted to let you know it really helped me and I took it. I went to my GP and got signed off work until after Christmas. I needed some space and also it gives me time to focus on Mum.

I know exactly what you mean about Work too -you don’t want special treatment but you also just want to come in and just do your job for a while. No crazy hours, no extra responsibilities. It would actually almost be an escape to be at work if people just let you crack on. 

Anyway I’m rambling on. All I really wanted to say is I think you did amazing going to your office party.  And also thank you for helping me with your kind words and wisdom .

Big virtual hugs xxxxxxx

Hello,

How are you all doing?

Was unbelievably late for work yesterday because I overslept.

I had my first nightmare about Bob,:

I was with my daughter and bizarrely my MDs dog, in my grandmas home town in Lancashire, out getting a prescription for pain killers for Bob and we took a wrong turn out of the chemist and couldn’t find my way back to home to Bob and all I could think of was him alone in bed, in pain and me not there. 

Day off today, should be wrapping presents , motivation nil.

Love and hugs to all xxx

Elenium,

I know.... Have that to face next week.

But... you got to the other side and you did it. Well done one up to you.

Go Girl!

Love to all xxx

Hi Fighter87,

I'm so glad that you've got some time off. It'll be good for you to forget about work for a while and just think about yourself and your mum.

Anytime you need to rant/talk I'm (we're) here for you.

X

Oh Bobles, that must have been awful for you.  How horrible.

With regards to the office party I think that the anticipation is worse than the actual event.  I walked off a couple of times and spent 5 minutes on my own somewhere quiet.  It helped.  I hope it's not too awful for you at yours.

X

Christmas work party , this year I am expected to go as I am a partner and director of the restaurants but it’s due to be on the 2nd of January!! How can I go? It’s the day Jill died just 12 months ago which feels like yesterday to me . 

Feel like I am walking in treacle at the moment, broken hearted , fed up, lonely and like no one else remembers.... hating Christmas for the first time in my life . 

I want my wife back 

And as for the nightmares? They are horrendous so you have my deepest sympathy and understanding it is truly awful, mine seemed to start about two weeks ago and I am st the point of not wanting to sleep because I don’t want to see the pictures in my dreams . Hate this 

Grief is cruel 

Thank you, Elenium.

I know  that it is another “have/need? to face this” situation.

Will bear in mind your strategy.

Love to all xxx

On the same cruel page Yantibee. 

Pretense is my coping way at the moment and I don’t know if that’s good or bad for the family. Alone, totally sad.

December 29th will be a year. As you say, still seems like yesterday.

Big hug. Xxx

Hello all.

Wish we could all leave our lives and roles for Christmas.

Yantibee can you tell someone at the restaurant how you feel? Can you be elsewhere?  It' too much on the date you lost your love. 

For us Christmas and Easter were Mum's favourite times. Can it ever feel the same? We hope no dramatic hospital trips other than that just have to get through it. Dad sis and I.

Dad and I have no office parties. Sis survived hers by drinking too much.

We have a funeral early January my Aunt died I wasn't very close to her but my uncle is lovely and has a Christmas of raw grief. ..we will try to help from afar.

Hug to all.

Jx