Having a bad day

Well, I'm still here. I hated letting you all down but scattering Mum's ashes in the river Yare on Thursday finally felt final. My Aunts said the same. At least we had nice weather. It drizzled all the way home on Friday. I had a very quiet weekend, didn't want to speak to anyone or interact in any way. 

Now I've done all the official stuff to do with Alan I find I'm thinking about him more. I had an awful dream where he came to my place but didn't know why, or who I was. I woke up in tears. When we die do we lose our memories? Or is that too deep?. 

Yantibee, I can just imagine how you feel about yours and your son's birthdays. I sent the oldest of my brothers a gentle text last Thursday for his birthday, which was the date Mum died. 

A friend of mine volunteers for Age UK & asked if I was interested in volunteering. I said that for the next while I need to just be there for me, and treat myself kindly.

The first ever album I bought was Bridge Over Troubled Water. I still love it.

I send you all my love and hugs

Sue

Xx

I worked from home today and sat in the garden all day.  I used to have Wednesdays off to be with mum so wasn't sure how I would be but it was actually ok.  Maybe it was because I was at home and not her house. I did think of going round there to mow the lawn but just couldn't face it.  I still find it hard going there on my own.  I'll be glad when it's sold.

Yantibee, it's tough not having them there for the special times.  It's my 50th this year and it's my mum's birthday exactly a week before.  The whole family gets together every year to celebrate her birthday but I was telling her that she'd have to take a back seat this year because it's all about me.  I'm still going to have a party but it's going to be so hard without her there.  We were planning it together.  It's just crap!

Sue, you didn't let us down.  Don't think that at all.  It was just too much for you.  I'm going to visit my sister in Leicestershire in a few weeks. Did you say you are near Coventry? I was wondering if you wanted to meet? No worries if you don't want to.  I just thought that as I'll be so near it would be a shame not to.  Let me know.

Hugs to all

X

All these firsts without them here are going to be a trial.

My birthday is the day before Mum's we always celebrated together on her birthday.   I don't want to do anything this year.

It's in July.

Wavering in and out of good and bad at moment. 

Jx

Hello all. Cant join any dots today. Tired, fat, low mood. Hmm curry. Sue please dont think that. Applaud yourself for making the right decision, by god weve had enough where there was no choice. Yantibee, firsts, tough indeed but without always looking on the bright side I hope yr birthday isnt too painful. Ive got mum recorded singing me happy birthday. I will play it every year. Im so pleased i have it. Of course i will cry. x

Totally know where you are Yantibee, Bobs birthday was on Easter Saturday, our wedding anniversary 3 weeks before. My birthday is coming up, want to ignore it but I know my children won't. it is all the first s I guess, but then will it be all the seconds? Who can tell?

You and your boys will support each other, have as good a day as you can, you know Jill would want you to enjoy it. Tough though.

Really admire you for going to the wedding.

Stay safe, stay well.

Love to all xxxx

Hi Elenium,

It would be lovely to see you when you come to your sister's. Just let me know when you're coming. Where does your sister live?

Hugs

 Sue xx

Hi Sue,

I've sent you a private message.

X

So today I received this from Macmillan:

I'm Imogen from Macmillan's cancer information team and I'm writing the newsletter this week. Here's a sneak preview of Macmillan's new advertising campaign Life With Cancer. We know from your posts that while cancer is life-changing, life doesn’t stop just because you’ve been diagnosed with cancer.

You may have cancer, but you are still you, with a life to lead, friends to see, family who need you and people to love. Life with cancer is still life, and we will help you live it.

Watch the videos and tell us what you think in the blog comments.

Best wishes,

Imogen                                          

I don't think they actually read our posts do they?? Although this hasn't upset me I'm sure that there are others out there that would be very upset on receiving this email. 

Whilst I think that Macmillan do a marvelous job and I can honestly say that without this online community I'm not sure I would have made it through, I think a bit more checking needs to be done before they send out stuff like this.

Ditto! X

Mmm...

I agree with you Elenium. I don't think our lovely group would find this at all helpful

Xx

Sue xx