Having a bad day

I was watering mum's hydrangea tonight and it hit me again that I'm never going to see her again.

I hate this!

It definitely seems to be the ordinary things at this stage that get to us.

Mums handwriting in her diaries most recently got to me.

Dad crying a lot today too. Mum's friend visited. She'll be moving to somerset or Dorset by the end of the year she wished Mum could see the new house..she can't believe she's dead.  Dad tried to say by the time he saw Mum she could hardly speak but he broke down.

Sister taking a break at my place and is crying there.

I'm not crying today.  But I did a bit on Saturday at cathedral and at my flat. 

Hug.

Jx

Bobles, its probably the pollen xxx

Heard Bridge Over Troubled Water on Saturday evening. ..Mum liked Simon and Garfunkel.  The lyrics meant a lot more to me now.

Jx

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all
I’m on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

When you’re down and out
When you’re on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
I’ll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on, silvergirl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
If you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind

Mabel went through the dog flap without being trained, two teeth have come out so she is gappy. Sat in mums garden yesterday spoilt by neighbour smoking and 4 lawnmowers going. Moment lost. I miss her. Drive past the hospital, a route we did in ambulance and my car and i always held her hand. X

You all ease mine. Beaut song x

More piraton required

Hi,

You know the phrase it's going to get worse before it gets better? Well, we've all done the worse  so I'm hoping it's starting to get better for us all. I know exactly what you mean with the small things setting you off, first time I got the lawn mower out of the garage, Bob's gardening gloves were lined up on the wheelbarrow just waiting for him ...... 

Seize the day if you can.

Thoughts , love and prayers with all those suffering in Manchester and to you all.

Xxxxx

I think that is one of the hardest things with my personal grief to deal with Bobles, thinking maybe the things can't get worse but then out of nowhere the wrecking ball swings back and hits me again. Little things like you say but for me and my sons this week it's more big anniversaries to deal with, youngest is 22 on Friday and me 47 on Saturday, a birthday weekend without Jill !! How? God knows but feel really low this week. 

Then on Monday a wedding to attend, the first invite since her death, the first invite with just my name on , wow this is hard . 

Then I watch the news !! Oh my god the horror of it all in Manchester just 30 minutes away from the sanctuary of my home , the devastation and the sadness so mindlessly delivered by that individual.....sorry just feeling a bit lost today

We managed to get the organist to play that at Mum's funeral - she died of breast cancer in 1985 - but I still can't listen to that without feeling emotional.