I have little emotional support available to me. I know there are groups and phone lines, and all the people who make those possible, especially the ones who do it voluntarily, are amazing. It's not for me though. I've tried various option and it doesn't help. It might bring me a little bit of comfort while speaking to someone but it makes little difference to how I feel after that chat or counselling session is over.
I need real people to meet with who aren't doing their job by speaking to me, but who truly want to, and who like me and want to be my friend, who I can go for coffee with and talk about life. I know all the options out there for finding people, but for people like me there's nothing that works. I've been given all the website links and I probably know more of them than anyone reading this. For various reasons none of these options work for ME. I HAVE tried. I'm forever trying. Even being here, somewhere I used to come to daily but gave up on, doesn't have what I need.
Sometimes I'm given hope but then it quickly fades as people find other things to do in their lives, and getting to know me is the lowest priority.
I wish the various friendship and dating sites were less after your money and more for helping people, and that the people who used them were more genuine.
So, as the title of this thread suggests, I'm feeling like there's no point carrying on. I mean with treatment mostly. If my cancer took me tomorrow, not many would care and most wouldn't even notice I was gone. So why do I keep on fighting? My overall health has improved hugely the last few months and I found the mental strength to push myself, get out and exercise, even making attempts at meeting people and getting back into photography. Now I have zero drive at all thanks to 2 people I can immediately think of who have deserted me and effectively ruined my life forever.
I've resorted to uploading sulky videos about myself to YouTube in the vague hope of making friends. People are lovely and supportive but it's still just words on a webpage at the end of the day.
A new lesion was found in my brain last week and another has grown, while a tumour in my neck hasn't shrunk like it usually does. I've been waiting almost a week to hear if they'll give me more treatment or not. While I wait I was feeling ok because I thought I'd found someone special - But that ended for good as she magically changed her feelings over the space of 10 minutes, and thinks that's totally normal human behaviour. I'm not exaggerating either.
I wish websites like CancerMatch (that's the only one I'm aware of) had more than 2 people in England on there and the website actually worked. I can't be the only one who's lonely and craving some love and attention.
Thanks for reading, have a lovely day.
Geoff.
