Lonely - miss having a close friend/companion

HI i can relate  I gave one good friend who i cant really talk to about cancer.  I understans loneliness and feeling a bit isolated.   

Sorry not used to using this.  Im a bit older than you but young at heart.   I have metastayic breast cancet.  It spread to rhe spine, pelvis and brain.   So i have mobility issues too.   

I have a mobility scooter to help me get around but i list the key.   Hoping to get one.   It hard to make friends but ive joined a couole of groups to have some sense of community.  My name is Cathie

No worries at all, thanks for replying.

I find it so hard to navigate with people as most just struggle with the word cancer in general (still!).

Either they drown me in pity, which feels excruciating, or they act way too normal (like I'm perfectly fine, which of course I'm not.) which feels dismissive. I feel for them as its probably hard to get it right, but I'm a 'recovering people pleaser' and so I'm easily ignored n not considered, even under these circumstances, especially by my extended family...

People just don't seem to have the capacity to handle someone with cancer. And when things get especially tough, I feel I have no where to turn. No one to call. 

Isolated is an excellent word for it. 

Nice to meet you Cathie, I'm Kerry. I'd love to join an in person group, I'm hoping to find something.

Never thought I'd want to join one. It's been 18 months since my first diagnosis, but I'm getting desperate now and think it'd be good for me.

People that dont have cancer dont really know what to say.   I always tell anyone no tears, no pity, if you cant handle that go away.   

The poetry group is good because it concentrates on that.   So that is a good environment.   I have my children who dont talk about it.   They do want to know results of scans.   

I feel that the cancer is serreal.   But im not sure what to feel.   Ive shut out 'the end"  thats too difficult for me.

Im on a 10 week course for people with cancer or in remission.   We are exploring 'dark' stuff.  Its what I need.   I dont know what area you live in.  I live in Wiltshire

The course is run by "The Willow Tree" Foundation.  Take a look.   So hopefully i will make a friend there.

So ive finally got a couple of things happening.   But it doesnt stop the low days or feeling lonely.   I just say thats part of the journey .   Ive no-one to talk to about this.

There are cancer support groups.

There is an foundation that has a coffee morning in Bath.   They meet up for Curry Nite once a month and tbere is something else they do.  Ive only just found out about it

They are for people with cancer or carers of family members wirh cancer.   

Dont know if you would be interested in any of these things.   

Macmilluan have a coffee mirning at RUH in Bath every week fir people with cancer.

Sorry this provably isnt the conversatiin yiu wanted.   But you've said you want to try.

Im going to try some of these things and sees what comes out of it

It feels surreal to me too, I also don't think of the end, but only because I'm no good with pain. I don't want to die in pain or suffer unnecessarily. I'm okay with dying though.

I have 4 children, 2 adults, 2 teens, they don't talk about it either, except my adult daughter. 

I live in the east riding of yorkshire, I'll check out the willow tree foundation, thank you  

I don't want pity or tears either, I like to be able to laugh about it though, I want to be able to talk about it, without it being "sad". I don't like that I have to pretend its not real n that I'm fine, just so that I'm not pitied or so that people don't feel sad or uncomfortable. It's a huge part of my life now and its lonely and I feel even more invisible than I ever did.

It's enough to go through it, without feeling this added loneliness and separateness. It's like I'm in a whole different world now. I just don't belong with people living in what was my old life. Life in general is just very surreal. Or maybe its just me 

Sorry I fell asleep.   I don't find this app easy to use.  I now realise messages are accessed is email.  You live a long way from me but Yorkshire is a lovely place . I love nature and being out in it.   That I do istly on my own or sometimes with my grandson who just turned four.   Obviously I'm limited to where I can go.  So this can sometimes be a downer.

I don't want to die.   There is so much I haven't done.  Like yourself I doy best to be positive as I believe this is a good Outlook.  But I only show anything else to friends or family.  I feel I have to be strong for them. This is where the group is helpful.  But that is new.

I do need time by myself to re-energisr and I like reading.  

I thought I was the only one who felt cancer was surreal .  I don't know what to make of it.  Maybe it's because I don't feel unwell.   My mobility issues could have been caused by anything.  

I'm on an injection in my leg and tablets as my chemo.   So I haven't suffered sickness or hairless although I do malt

It's been nice talking to you.   If you would like to message off of this site let me know

I'll direct message you my details