Trying to remain strong is draining me

Hi Wenglish welcome to the forum..Gosh I was reading your post before replying and without being derogatory I suspect there will be others on here who will say " you could be talking about my husband"..I suspect that he has gone into survival mode and by continuing to do what he feels secure doing, he believes that he is helping. You are most definitely NOT a moaning Minnie and you have summed it up beautifully by saying "I'm struggling with feeling vulnerable". I think we can all relate to that one. You are not nagging either you are simply keeping a well oiled system going whilst you are unable to do this yourself. Be kind to yourself it's hard but most importantly it's OK to not be ok! Sending very best wishes your way for now..Gail

Hi Gail thank you so much for your reply it really does help. We have had a chat amongst me blubbering and he genuinely had no idea how I felt and the impact on me. I suppose we all get wrapped up in our feelings and emotions and fail to look outside. Fingers crossed going forward now though I’m not naive enough to think it’s going to be all roses. I learnt I need to show my vulnerability and he will then know he needs to put his big pants on x

'Big pants on'.

Well that's made my day. 

Wishing you all the best. 

Hi Wenglish. So sorry you are feeling vulnerable. And you are certainly not a moaning Minnie. I have felt similar feelings to you during all my chemo (and now radio). My husband is such a good man and has continued with all his jobs as well, but I too have felt frustrated at his lack of stepping up. For example, he came to chemo with me sometimes (usually it was my son) but never checked train times. Such a small thing but again it was down to me to get us there and back. And when I was being given drugs or instructions I had to ask him to try and remember stuff as I couldn't take it all in. Usually I am the one who organises and stays on top of admin etc. I think the worst thing is his lack of cooking. He just doesn't do it and doesn't attempt it either, so while I might have been at chemo all day, my son and I would come home and then have to start thinking about food. I honestly think it is a man thing this not being able to step up. Things are better physically for me now that chemo has finished, but I've fallen into what I can only describe as a low level depression and just want to wake up feeling like my old self. But hopefully I will once life returns to 'normal'.

Wel done for voicing this issue as you are certainly not alone and many women will empathise with how you feel xx

Hi Dee Dee 61 I’m so grateful for your reply and knowing I’m not in this ship alone is some comfort. I’m so pleased physically you are feeling better but sorry to hear you are feeling down but to be honest it’s hardly surprising. We keep going and going trying to remain strong and positive but at some point our brain will go enough is enough. There’s so much emphasis on the physical aspects but mentally we need to rest and recuperate also. I’ve eventually folded and stopped working through my chemo now and I swear he thinks I’m on annual leave or something. I want to put a neon sign up along the lines of  IF YOU DONT DO IT WHO DO YOU THINK HAS TO? I’ve got to try and laugh about it but on the days that I’m really not good it’s really hard. I hope you are feeling brighter soon xx