Thank you for adding me to the group. I finished chemo in December of last year and am NED at the moment. I am sure that i am meant to be loving life right now but i am not. I had to take medical retirement from a job i loved - consequently I am bored and lonely most days. I have a puppy which makes me leave the house twice a day otherwise i am sure i would no nothing. However he does tie me down - my fault i know. My cancer was missed by my doctors and the NHS so i am currently going through a medical negligence case. My son is a recovering drug user and i cannot help but feel that I am watching life pass me buy . I hate retirement - I was in a demanding job and loved it. I cannot currently do voluntary work as i cannot leave the puppy yet for long periods of time.
I look in the mirror and i dont recognise myself anymore - i now have grey curly hair that i absolutely hate. My partner was great during chemo but now cannot cope with m y depression - all he says is that i wont bring him down. He is taking time of work next year to do his passion which is to see the world. Thats my problem i think - work was my passion.
sorry for the pity post
Hi Clare45 welcome to the forum and what a time you have had and continuer to have. You may look different, I think we all do, but that's ok its a new you to make her look exactly like you want her to look now which may be different from before. Have you spoke to the hairdresser yet to see if they can help with maybe a different cut and worth asking about a color, it may be too early for that after the chemo but they will tell you if it is.
Are there any dog charities near you that would snap up your rime to maybe walk their rescue dogs as an example, the puppy might enjoy the company. Its not easy adapting to retirement I can relate to that but this is my 3rd year retired and only this year can I say Ive moulded into it very nicely. Its taken a while though. Are there any walking groups that you could join and you could take the dog with you?
Forgive me when I say this, but I suspect that there is a lot of anger underlying life for you at the moment and pleas do not be offended by that as I can understand as to why that would be the case. However, it is stopping you from moving on with your life and Im wondering if some Counselling might help to speak to someone about all this and how it has left you feeling.
There is an article that was written by a Psychologist that lots of us on here have had enormous benefit from reading and I wonder if you are able to find this on the Internet and see if you recognise yourself in there as some of what you are feeling is normal, even though it maybe doesnt feel like that Its by Dr Peter Harvey and entitled "After the Treatment Finishes:- what next".
gail
Thank you Granny, just read the above that you suggested, it was very helpful, thank you 
Hi Tank so glad that article has been of help keep it nearby and keep reminding yourself of its contents. Its the lpart of the journey nobody tells you about-- the recovery phase. xxxx
gail
