Finding reasons to live

Hi Highskies it’s such a hard time for you all. I was the one in the bed with over 120 days in hospital spread over 5 years with a few stays in ICU included in this.

So motivation to keep going can indeed be a massive challenge and once your head goes down and you lose the focus to push through it’s hard to pull that focus back.

I was between 58 and 62 years old over this time and although I was rather poorly at times my head never went down, indeed it never got a real chance to go down as at the start of my long treatment journey my family and I agreed on a ‘tough love’ policy, so we were all allowed a bad day but only one day…… before we would get our ears bent.

I remember getting very frustrated and on the angry  side especially when I was in isolation for 4 weeks at a time and only my close family were getting in to see me but not my granddaughters….. so I could have went down the pity me party rabbit trail…. but my wife kept appearing with another new photo of my granddaughters or handing me a live iPad with one of the girls on face-time….. I was never allowed to lose that focus.

This may be of no real help to you but it helps you understand that this is so so difficult. 

You may want to join our Carers only group, then copy and paste the text from this post as it will open your question to a wider group of people supporting family and friends ((hugs))

Thanks Mike. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is and am sorry to hear that you had such a challenging journey yourself. I'm glad to hear that you were able to pull through and I hope my mum will be able to do the same. 

Highskies, hello and I so sorry that your mum is so weak and tired. The liver plays such an important part in our lives and can really make a person feel low plus having chemo is exhausting.  It is so very painful to be with and watch someone we care about go through this illness and we often feel so helpless in the face of it.  My heart goes out to you right now.  The most important things you can do now I guess is to go at her pace, try and tempt her appetite (sometimes small steroid doses help stimulate appetite), encourage rest so she can fight this terrible disease, ask advice from her oncology team and the nurse specialist, ensure any symptoms of the disease are treated by the community palliative care team ( they are really good and knowledgeable  about symptom control) and just reassure her that you are there for her. 

As the Highlander says above it can be very difficult to find motivation when you feel so down and sadly we can't do it for them-- if only we could.

Time is so precious with loved ones so treasure every day and enjoy making some special moments if that's appropriate.  I hope your mum stays comfortable and pain free and finds some hope to keep gong hon, take care hon xx. Sending you big hugs and love ️