Hello,
My mum is extremely ill. She doesn’t have cancer thankfully, but her heart and lungs are damaged because she has had several heart attacks which has caused the damage, plus she was to and fro the hospital for 2 years when I went through treatment and several operations, which wore her down.
Mum is bed bound and can’t walk to the bathroom which is about 8 or 9 steps from her bedroom. She only gets there if my dad holds her up but he can’t do that anymore.
The GP visited her today and told her she isn’t getting any better and maybe she should consider a hospice. Mum refused and told the GP that her husband and daughter can look after her, which we can’t do, it isn’t fair on us.
I detached for the whole situation. Since treatment I have become emotionally detached for most things and I no longer do empathy, which I know sounds mean but I really can’t take anyone else’s drama. And that sounds hard and especially being as it is mum.
I don’t really know why I am doing this post but I just wanted to know, is normal for me to feel this way?
Love and good vibes,
Lisa x
Hi Lisa LisaCardiff, I let your post for a few days to see if anyone with first hand experience would come along.
I think many would agree that they did become distanced from a lot of the 'stuff' that was going on around them, but these family challenges are hard, very hard.
Up until my mum died a year past November.... wow how time flies, she was totally independent and in reality at 91 she should have been somewhere where folks could keep an eye on her better..... but she was a very determined lady and "was staying" in the house i was born into over 66 years ago, with a very steep stair, insisting on doing her own cooking..... and her garden!!!
I have no answers for you but it would be worth talking through all the 'stuff' that 'gets' you....... have you connected in with Maggie's Centre yet?......these types of things are all part of the subjects they support folks with ((hugs))
Lovely Lisa, I am so so sorry to hear this news, please do accept my deepest condolences.
I lost my mum (91 years old) a year past November, it was very sudden. We did the 3hr drive to the hospital where she was taken to be meet by the consultant who strongly advised me that due to me being Covid Extremely Clinically Vulnerable i should not go into the ward to be with her at the end..... as it turns out I would not have got up to the ward in time anyway.
It's so hard so do let the grief take it's course, just let it out...... then start to celebrate a life lived and the fond memories you all have.
The next initial few weeks are challenging as you have to deal with all the practical stuff but the undertaker will help you navigate this.
I have no real answers with regards to Fernando but you could talk to your local Vet for some advice.
If you want to talk this through more I am always here to help as best as I can.
Do remember the Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 for practical information, emotional support, financial guidance or just a listening ear.
((hugs))
Oh Lisa, I’m so sorry to read this. Losing your mum is a terrible thing to bear, and it’s natural you are not feeling able to cope right now. Don’t be trying to cope-you just have to let the tears flow. Things will get easier but it takes time to come to terms with and accept.
In time you can think about all the good memories, but for now you just have the grief. And it’s ok to cry, be scared, feel everything you need to feel.
My heart goes out to you. This is very hard, and I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Sarah xx
