How are you supposed to feel?

I think we can at least be ‘friends’ on here .... I’m very new to this.  I’m on Twitter and instagram under the same handle as in here 

Today has been a very bad day. I had a small breakdown at work and had to reach out to my HR department as I was having scary thoughts. They’ve been phenomenal and are putting in place some counselling for me and I am going to see my GP.  My director of HR who has been through a terrible cancer ordeal sent me a lovely email when she heard and gave me some advice re getting to sleep I’m reluctant to take drugs but it may be an option at least short term  

I think I’d be able to handle things better with more sleep but it’s a vicious circle. 

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend.  One of my oldest friends phoned me last night to say her partner passed away from cancer 6 weeks ago.  He’d been very ill when I contacted her in July to tell her my news but she didn’t want to burden me so didn’t say anything.  Then when she didn’t contact me I thought she didn’t care. So I felt really awful got thinking that when I found out about her partner.  

sending hugs xx 

Dear RND20

Sorry to be only replying so late. With respect to the fatigue, as has been highlighted by others, this is very common. I also have real issues with this even though I’m currently only having supportive treatments rather than full on chemo.  You need to give yourself space and don’t get frustrated at not being able to do what you used to. It has taken me a while to get my head round this.

With respect to your Masters, make sure you keep your supervisor and your advisor of studies, if you have one, in the loop at times where you are struggling and may need more time for your work. You should maybe also talk to your university’s student support team and between them all they should be able to make adjustments to support you and give you more time for submission of course work etc which should take some pressure off. I really admire you for undertaking your Master’s as this is no mean feat. It is good to have something to focus on that is for you. 

Hi rnd20,

I hear you honey. I'm kind of in the same boat as in the fact that I don't feel like I'm the person I was before the Cancer and no one understands unless you've gone through Cancer. 

I suffer from incontinence too and am not back at work yet. I went in for a meeting at work to meet my new manager and HR person and I felt that they didn't understand. 

It's great that you're studying for your Masters. Cancer may have changed you but it won't stop you from studying and making something of yourself.