I was 14 when I was diagnosed with Acinic Cell Carcinoma which is a salivary gland cancer. I was fortunate enough not to have to go through chemo or radiotherapy and just had surgery but this last year and a half- 2 years Ive lived with this constant sense of worry it will come back. Nothing is certain, I don't know if the random pain I feel is a symptom which sends me into a spiral thinking it came back, I don't know why I got it because i've lived a healthy life and none of my family have a history of cancer and I don't know how it will affect me in the future.
Lately i've just been feeling off, constantly tired even though i've been sleeping around 8 hours a day, headaches, no motivation for anything, not being as enthusiastic as I used to be for things I love and my grades have been slipping which as an overachiever was just the cherry on top. It feels like minor things so it seems irrelevant but still when it's late at night and im alone with my thoughts like I am now I can't just ignore the overthinking that tells me my cancer came back so I'm writing this hoping maybe there's others that feel the same way.
There's not much research on my type of cancer, especially in children. I was called a 'rare case' but that just makes me feel even more alone because nobody that I've seen or interacted with cancer has had what I had so all i'm left with is a pit in my stomach whenever my diagnosis is brought up. I don't want to talk about this to my mum because she will just get really worried and I don't want to burden her, I don't want to share this with my friends because I feel like they won't understand and telling a support worker at school will just lead to them telling my mum which as I mentioned before, I don't want.
Wanted to get this off my chest, so it's not perfect but I just didn't know who else to tell lol
Hello,
I completely sympathise with you. I’m older but an only child and live on my own. My parents are the only ones who know about my cancer. I’m currently in remission from advanced tubo ovarian cancer which seemed to come out of nowhere and spread through me like fast growing ivy.
I had intense surgery in October and was left with a stoma which I’m hoping can be reversed. I’m on parp tablets to keep the cancer away for as long as possible. I had a spell recently where everything hit me like a tonne of bricks. I think I was so focused on getting through the days that it almost became surreal.
There are councillors on here and via different organisations if you feel that would help. I don’t like to burden family either. I don’t want to scare or worry anyone any more. I find talking to other cancer patients the most helpful. Overall we are still here. I try daily to make an effort not to focus on it coming back. More that it’s away for now. I’m trying to get back to doing things I used to like, pampering myself, going for walks or getting out and about. Anything to distract me or remind me at one point I couldn’t do this and now I can. I think I’m more scared that if I think too much about it coming back it probably will. So I’ll do anything to take my mind off it x
be kind to yourself 
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Nadia x
