Hi all- I just wanted to reach out in the hope that others might have some light to shed on things.
My mum got her breast cancer diagnosis last September and as of now has just completed chemo, 3 months post mastectomy and is only now attending for immunotherapy injection every 3 weeks. So she is at the better end of treatment journey shall we say- and a point we all yearned so much for, but how we’re here it’s not feeling great, which is hard.
My Mum has generally always been a very positive person and someone who was always able to get on with things- maybe too much in hindsight as what I see now is that she really does mask whatever she’s feeling- always saying she’s fine. She also doesn’t like to address or talk about anything so will just go silent on anything more serious.
The most difficult part is what I can only now describe as her being emotionally switched off- she has very little to no reaction to things around her, including seeing my daughter, her grand daughter. sometimes her responses can be what feels quite patronising as she just can’t muster any enthusiasm or feelings?
I feel chemo and her journey have really changed her- she’s had two recent falls, which seems to be related to a problem she has with left leg/knee and was a historical problem and not related to cancer but currently has a huge black eye as well as other war wounds! So her appearance and weight gain is another factor she’s clearly struggling with, but has no enthusiasm to do anything at all. Totally understandable but heart breaking to see. I’ve tried to engage her with the Maggie’s centre support and the different therapies but she just humours me and doesn’t happen.
my step dad is insufferable- he’s always been a very child like character who we’ve never been able to depend on- however my mums positive approach and running around after him always kept things at bay. What I’m seeing now is that when the heat is on, we’ve no chance with him and my mum has definitely contributed to us how having a situation where he is a total liability too, he has chronic asthma- is morbidly obese with knee problems and stretched heart muscle/AF due to the pressure from carrying weight. I can’t even begin to list the amount of things he’s done whilst falling apart due to feeling so upset over my mum being ill. A lot of it’s understandable but very difficult to navigate. So as things stand our family is broken. My younger sister locks herself away due mental health- we’re not allowed in her house due to the condition of it, she won’t let us see.
My older sister just buys out- constantly talks about how tired she is from work and what she needs to be doing- she just doesn’t take the bait for anything.
So I feel very alone- as if I don’t act on things- no one does, and I now feel like we’ve inherited a little brother in my step dad! as my mums babied him for years now, so his outbursts and behaviour is odd and childish. He can’t even communicate things about her treatment or appointments to us- I am thinking more and more that he’s neuro diverse too.
Thanks for reading and being there- even if you’re not able to relate or add anything- it’s helped me put this in writing anyway! Sending hugs to all- for better times ahead hopefully
