How do you cope day to day?

Hello Teatowel,

My name is Lizzie, and I’m part of the Online Community team.

I’m so sorry to hear about everything you’re going through at the moment while caring for your husband. It sounds as though things are incredibly difficult right now, and I can only imagine how overwhelming and exhausting it must feel trying to manage everything. Please remember that you don’t have to face this alone, and support is available for you too.

I noticed in your post that you have carers coming in twice a day. I wondered whether you’d had a care needs assessment for your husband and a carers assessment for yourself? These may help identify whether you’re both eligible for any additional support, which could hopefully help to ease some of the pressure on you.

You can request these assessments yourself, but if you’re unsure where to start or would appreciate some support, please don’t hesitate to contact our Macmillan Support Line teams on 0808 808 00 00. One of our advisers can talk you through the process and help you with your application if needed.

The Support Line is open from 8am to 8pm, seven days a week, and you can also get in touch by email, or via live webchat. The team is there to listen and offer emotional support, as well as answer questions about treatment, medical concerns and other issues you may be facing.

You may also find Carers UK helpful. They offer information and practical advice for unpaid carers, including your rights, accessing breaks from caring and finding ways to cope with the challenges of caring for someone. You can contact their helpline on 0808 808 7777 for further advice and support.

You might also find our Ask an Expert forum helpful. If you have a question you’d like a Macmillan professional to answer, simply visit the relevant forum group and start a new thread. A member of the team will aim to respond within 1–3 working days.

We also have lots of information on our website about emotional support for carers and ways to look after yourself while caring for someone you love. I know it can be difficult to find time to think about your own needs when so much of your energy is going into caring for your husband, but your wellbeing matters too.

Hopefully, other members of our community will also be able to offer some advice and share their experiences, particularly if they’re in a similar situation themselves. It can sometimes be a real comfort to connect with others who understand what you’re going through, and they may have some helpful suggestions based on their own experiences.

I hope some of these suggestions are helpful, and please know that you’re very welcome to reach out to us whenever you need to.

Hi Teatowel

My husband also has metastatic prostate cancer which has spread to his bones, and I understand how you feel.  I took him to the garden centre last week for a trip out and after walking across the car park he said he couldn’t go any further and had to sit down.  He’s in constant discomfort and sometimes pain.   I’m exhausted from worrying, working full time, trying to look after him and, also from the no. of hospital appointments he has – last week he had 4.  Like you sometimes I think I can’t cope for much longer. 

I think the only think that helps me is working – it takes my mind off the situation and it helps to be with other people. I’m also involved with a local history project which involves researching (most of which I can from home).  My only advice is to try and find something that gets you out of the house for a few hours each week so you can switch off properly; join a club – there are so many different types out there.

Hi there. Sorry you're going through this too. I joined just now to ask almost the same question. My husband has early onset cancer and treatment options are basically gone. We're now in conversation with hospice. I don't honestly know how to cope day to day as I feel like I'm losing my mind. But my husband needs very little of me right now,he's functional enough but that can change at any minute given he has about 4 organs now affected by cancer. 

But I can tell you what I currently do to try to hold myself stable ish. I try to exercise and eat well though I lapse constantly, I try again come Monday. I try so badly to keep in touch with the people that have been there for me. I spend time with my husband in the only way I can, on the sofa. I managed to get therapy via my husbands Bupa. 

Tomorrow I will visit Maggie's I think. Do you have any groups or cancer centres near you? It's very tough and I don't mean to be judgemental but his children should not behave as though they have the option to run for the hills, you need support in order to support your husband. Can you ask them for their help during what is the hardest time in your life?