I don’t know who to talk to so I’m just going to write all my feelings out here.
I’m in my early 20s and a carer for my mum who has an aggressive brain tumour. I feel like I’ve been sliding down a slippery slope for a while and don’t know who to turn to as nobody really understands. As I said I’m in my early 20s, I’ve had to move back home with my parents who live in a rural village and I’ve never felt so isolated and lonely. All my friends live far away and lead busy lives with jobs, some have seemed to drop off the face of the earth completely or take 3 weeks to reply to my messages. I feel so much resentment towards them sometimes and that they probably don’t appreciate how good they have it. I never really appreciated how good I had it either before this all happened. I feel like I’m drowning under everything and it’s suffocating, some days are better than others but on the bad days I question everything. I’ve always dealt with anxiety since I was a child but have found ways of dealing with it when I was happier. What doesn’t help is the fact that my Dad has what I would describe as a news addiction, everyday he tells me all the horrible things going on, how everything’s hopeless. I do believe it’s important to stay informed however I do also believe to get through tough times you have to bury your head in the sand a little. I cannot count how many times I’ve explained to him not to tell me these things but I can’t get through to him.
This combined with everything going on with my mum just makes me feel like what is the point anymore. Dealing with the fact that my mum is dying of cancer and everyday I’m being told all the bad things I can’t control makes me want to scream.I just feel so isolated from everything and everyone, part of me wants to hide away and the other part wants the comfort of being around people so I’m not alone with my own thoughts. I have to sleep with an audiobook or something just to keep my mind focused on something else. Everyday feels like Groundhog Day. I try my best to look after myself, I do lots of exercise, try stay off my phone , spend time outside but I’m just getting sucked into this black hole.
Just wanted to get that off my chest but if anyone has had a similar experience and has any advice it would be appreciated x
