i’ll start with this year has been unreasonably hard and often hanging by a thread while we battle the latest uncertainty or decline. I’ve shared before about anticipatory grief and still going through triage.
About a month ago, my husband blacked out convulsing- the first time and it was a moment of sheer terror where all my worst fears came to life. We shared with the oncology team and it was believed to be combination of medication, heat, humidity and dehydration.
Roll forward to today, his birthday, where we are on a rare excursion out in a public attraction to celebrate. And he blacked out again. Thankfully sat on a. notability scooter and we had first aid attend who provided cool packs. But he had been hydrated well up to that point. However the heat and humidity high again.
We will let his oncology team know tomorrrow. But it was frightening and harrowing experience. Particularly as we were an hour away from home. Also particularly as we are flying next week for an attempted holiday away.
My mind is exhausted, sad and running through a thousand contingencies and trying to fix the unfixable. Im also deeply saddened just this one special day couldn’t quite go the way we would’ve wanted. I know i should be grateful and positive and all these things but this hit hard
