Caring for my partner

Hi Maureen 

I think it is fairly common to feel swept along when going through treatment and the feeling of "doing something" but when it comes to an end we then have time to think and worry. 

I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. One of the key elements was leaning to think much more of the things we have every day and less about worrying about a future I could not control but could imagine all sorts of issues. The conscious breathing exercies were also really useful not just in coping with when life decides to throw us a cruveball but also just getting to relax and sleep. 

With radiotherapy the impact continues for some time after the last treatment so that may be why the gap before seeing the consultant.

From my wife's experiece the oncolocy team seemed to want a PET-CT at almost every appointment though I have no idea if that is typical. Certainly it might be worth asking when you see them as it can be very helpful to see how effective the treatment might be.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve, thanks for your reply.  Yes, I’ve found out that Radiotherapy affects the brain (which is where he had his tumour- most of it removed). I was told by his oncology nurse that it’s pointless doing another MRI scan until the brain has ‘settled’, which takes around 5 to 6 weeks. We have to see the consultant as they are the only group of medical professionals who can prescribe chemotherapy (you learn something every day). I’m seriously thinking about resigning from my job. I’ll be 70 in October and carried on working because I don’t have many friends and I really did love my job.  Also, I feel that at my age I should be dealing with things in a more adult way - I feel like a 19 year old!!!  My employers have been fantastic but the appeal has gone. My partner has told me to stay at work, he thinks I’ll be bored but I just can’t find any pleasure in it anymore. My partner is fine in himself, he told me that as soon as he’s allowed he’s back down to the gym.  His outlook is amazing, I’m just aware that my emotions are draining him. I feel really selfish. Thanks again.

We're in the very early days of this. My husband was also very positive but, maybe the chemo is affecting him, but 6 days in and he is very tearful. I have only cried once. I think my practical side has kicked in. I know once he goes in for surgery I will most likely be upset again.

I'm not sure that there's a process that carers go through? Are you thinking like the grief process though? Because that would make sense to me. Like the loss of what you thought would look like, anger, denial etc.

Also, I think the exhaustion of trying to be strong for 2 people (him and yourself) can be exhausting in itself. It's good to let the tears out every now and then but if it's taking over too much then maybe consider talking to your GP

It's hard being beside someone going through this. You're probably doing far better than you give yourself credit for.