My husband presented at the GP in May due to some neuro symptoms and we quickly found out he had a solitary metastasis in his brain (now removed). Found out the primary cancer is in the colon. He is due for his last of 5 srs treatments today to clean out the brain cavity,and then Friday meeting with the colorectal surgeon to plan surgery.
My husband is relatively physically well. Increasing bowel symptoms but told unlikely to need a stoma.
Im on here to try and speak to others about me coping.
He is very negative on the whole, and talks about there being no hope as it spread already to his brain (but oddly nowhere else). Not being able to drive for 2 years is depressing him greatly. He doesn't want to be dependent on me for going to the shop etc or appointments but doesn't want to take public transport. He said he'd feel more independent if he got patient transport to appointments but wants me to go in with him. But not talk.
He doesn't share any symptoms or feelings unless probed. For example if he is horrible to me and I react to it he might talk to me a few hours or days later. Then I can say ' you were up a lot last night ' for example, or I'm glad you are telling me how you are feeling.
He has no interest in counselling or talking.
I'm signed off work currently but due back mid August. He's a full time carer to our adult daughter, and supports his elderly mum a lot.
I would love to give up work I think or go part time (I'm 60 in December) . But don't know what to do. I don't know if he's going to recover after surgery fully? If the cancer will spread, they've currently said no systemic treatment likely after surgery but the radiotherapy consultant said ' well its only a matter of time, the cancer spread once, you'll get it again '
I feel confused and am sticking my head in the sand
Maureen you are absolutely not selfish. Like me you are scared about the future, I would swap with my husband in a heartbeat, but things don’t work that way. I’m 55 and my husband is 58, the thought of our silver years being cut short fills me with dread. And I have to keep telling myself this is a blip on life’s canvas and we will get those silver years and probably value them more. He’s surgery is tomorrow and I will probably relax in a couple of weeks till then I’m operating on high alert 
I really hope everything goes well tomorrow. Thank you for your kind words. I keep telling myself that I have to live in the moment and treasure whatever time we have left together but it’s so hard, Best wishes and hugs to you both 
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