Hi,
My partner has Stage 2B High Grade Serous Ovarian/Fallopian Tube Cancer. It was discovered during an unrelated imaging test in August 25. She had surgery in December - hysterectomy, omentectomy, etc, but it was not straightforward. The epidural went wrong during the surgery and again afterwards. It was the weekend of the doctors' strike, the post surgical care on the ward was dreadful - she was left without food for long periods and the adjacent bed was used as overspill for A and E. The whole experience was extremely traumatic, and she was discharged too early, plus her pain meds were cut off without tapering, resulting in severe withdrawal symptoms. I had to call an ambulance the day after her discharge to get help. She has been left with nerve damage and serious pain to the extent that she cannot walk or stand for more than 20 minutes.
This week she started chemo and is extremely unwell with severe joint and muscle pains. The meds aren't working. She is very depressed, understandably, but also angry, irritable and aggressive, and directs a lot of it at me. I think this might be due to the steroids. I think I've been a supportive caring partner throughout but I'm reaching the end of my resilience. I try my best and I'm very patient by nature but I don't know how we can carry on like this.
I gave up a lot of my 'normal' life when she was diagnosed - there were so many unexpected emergencies and appointments at various hospitals ( we live in a rural area where the NHS cancer service is spread across 3 different towns ) that I stopped going to my choir, voluntary job, and art studio, which was my retirement project. I couldn't commit to being at any of these places on a regular basis, even less so since the surgery and her loss of mobility. Our household income has drastically dropped since she became unable to work, and I'm on a state pension, so the studio rent felt like an indulgence.
I feel as though I've lost myself through her illness, and that seems selfish when she's suffering so much. Her key worker/Macmillan nurse says that it's still early days, which fills me with dread - I really don't know how I will cope with the changes in her - the anger and resentment that she pours out - and feeling so helpless about her dreadful distress and suffering. 5 more rounds of chemo to go and we've been advised that it gets worse.
