I’m new here and I’m not very good at expressing how I feel but I’m honestly at breaking point. I love my gramp he’s the only man I’ve ever had in my life. When his cancer got back and he started struggling more I was more than happy to step up but now, he’s changed so much. I know it’s not him it’s the illness I mean I tell myself that every day. But it’s becoming impossible. I have begged for help and no one seems to hear me. He says the most horrible things sometimes. Him and his dog have accidents daily that I have to clean. I take care of everything and lately it’s not enough. I can’t just step back because I couldn’t live with myself for leaving him to fend for himself but I’m really not coping anymore. Family members come round and see the mess, then leave it for me to clean up. I take the verbal abuse because I can’t and won’t upset him. I know he’s poorly and suffering. But im making myself unwell too now. My blood pressure is sky high, I’ve lost so much weight and my mental health is at an all time low. I know I should be grateful he’s still here and I still get time with him but I feel resentment brewing. I feel so much guilt for feeling the way I do.
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
Sorry to hear about your gramp, it sounds like you have been coping remarkably and sometimes it can be difficult for someone else to step in without feeling like they are interfeering - though sometimes the "help" can seem to be anything but.
It sounds like you could really do with a care needs assessment you can find out about them here.
Do speak to your GP too because it is important to look after your own health too as you being ill will not help either of you.
<<hugs>>
Steve
