Hi all,
my mum was initially diagnosed with breast cancer at 39. She was then diagnosed again with stage 4 breast cancer at 53/54 with mets in her liver and bones.
she stopped treatment in October of last year and has been managing fairly well with some gradual but not very noticeable decline.
to make things more odd I am a specialist nurse for a hospice so not only do I look after Mum I deal with people exactly like mum every day I'm at work.
recently we went to London for my birthday we knew this would likely be the last 'big' trip away for mum but the whole time we were there she could barely do anything but had been managing fairly well until being in London. We thought she might just be very fatigued but noticed that her symptoms increased when she came home. The last 48 hours have been rough and at times I thought Mum might be in her last hours or days. I managed to get her admitted to the hospice today and she has been started on dexamethasone and is now fairly manic and the complete opposite of how she has been for weeks.
Me and mum had been having the conversations about her dying and potentially not coming home from the hospice but it looks like she may have some benefit from the dexamethasone.
What I'm trying to say that feels very selfish is I don't know how much more I can cope with the peaks and troughs I had wrapped my head around the fact that mum would likely die during this admission and now it doesn't look that way. I can feel this is going to be a cycle of good and bad mum has been very symptomatic of her cancer and had had admissions in hospital for things like spinal cord compression so this isn't the first rollercoaster we have experienced.
it's just me Mum my husband and my 4 year old little boy no big village no one else to pick the pieces I have to somehow stretch myself at all angles and I'm burnt out.
Hi Sprite
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.
I am Steve, one of the community champions and my experience of cancer is via my wife who has Leiomyosarcoma so rather different to your mother.
I remember some years ago as we went to Cheddar gorge Janice said "this will be the last time we do this". Well now perhaps that is true but more because of my health than hers.
The burnout bit I can certainly relate to and the feeling of being selfish is very common but I think the classic line is you cannot pour from an empty cup. Janice has never done hospice but was in and out of hospital quite a lot at one point (6 collapsed lungs in series - 3 each side - all fixed now after surgical pleurodesis
You are welcome to post here anytime but remember you are welcome to ring the helpline if you need to speak to someone 0800 808 0000 it is open 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm.
<<hugs>>
Steve
