How do people cope

PollyJ 2 hours ago

2 replies
32 subscribers
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my husband has stage 4 kidney cancer.
He was diagnosed in Dec 23 after breaking his hip.

It had spread to many of the bones in his legs and his adrenal gland. He underwent numerous operations, including an amputation, to remove tumours and reconstruct the bones. He’s been so brave and determined throughout and we’ve tried to carry on our lives, with hope and with adjustments for him being disabled. We’ve tried to not let it stop us.

Over the last few months it has spread to his liver, lungs, facial area and the top of his spine. We have also recently found out he has tumors in his remaining shin bone so he is back to non weight bearing at all.

the last week has seen a further decline with him struggling with his memory, getting words out and being able to write. A heat CT hasn’t shown any further or new progression.
talking to oncology on Xmas eve they said it was just natural progression of the disease and to prepare myself.
He sleeps a lot and isn’t eating much, although I’m trying to get him to have 1 or 2 fortisips a day.

im really struggling to cope. The last two years have wiped every part of strength out of me. I wake up with shocking anxiety and nervousness and just want to curl up and cry. I’m struggling to find the motivation and energy to do anything else apart from caring for him.

I have no idea how long this stage will last. It’s torture seeing him like this and I feel I just want it to take him quickly.

how on earth do other people cope with this

Detty847b62 1 hour ago

My husband died on November just 3 months after being diagnosed with oesophagus cancer. He basically stopped eating as he had no appetite & he said what he did eat tasted disgusting which I put down to the tumour although the hospital soups left a lot to be desired..didnt taste like any soup I've ever bought or made!!

He told me a few days before he died that he knew he was dying & he just wanted to go. When he got a bed in the local hospice he asked the dr could he help him to die & could he make sure it wouldn't be painful. That broke my heart. He went downhill very quickly & passed away a day & a half later. The hospice were fantastic.They did all they could to keep his pain at bay..unlike the hospital who kept letting his syringe driver run out of morphine.We waited 3 weeks for a bed in the hospice but it was well worth the wait

Malengwa 6 minutes ago

Hi Polly.

Somehow you just do cope. My husbands cancer journey was pretty quick as it was a rare sarcoma that spread very rapidly and no treatment worked.

Are you connected with a hospice at all? Ours were( and still are to me) fantastic. When he took to his bed and virtually stopped eating, he had 6 weeks, but they never told me that, its hard to judge but I could see him getting worse almost every few days from then, and in the end, it was actually sudden. He died at home, but like detty, if he had gone into the hospice, he would have had less than 2 days.

Caring is exhausting emotionally as well as physically as you watch the one you love deteriorate. Please reach out to any support networks, carer organisations, dr, friends family. Consider asking for a carer assessment, mine sadly came through after my husband died.

And keep talking. There are many of us here that understand.

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