Mum doesn't want me to work

2 replies
33 subscribers
130 views

I'm not sure what to do.

Mum has stage 4 cancer, prognosis of a few weeks 2 months ago, but scans show healing of perforation that doctors based this prognosis of.

I am only working one day a week at the moment, but would be happy to go back to 2 days. Mum doesn't want this, she says she finds it difficult when I'm not there. She says I should 'just go with it' and that I will have plenty of time to do what I want after. It sounds so crass- but we don't know how long she will be at this stage, she is very stable.

My brother also lives at home, so he can be there any time I am not there.

I am conflicted what to do. I feel I am completely betraying her if I go back to work more, that she is the most important thing in all my life and I should make the most of the time we have.

But also, for my sanity it would be helpful to go out more and keep my brain working, I don't know how long she will need to be cared for. Also, we are spending alot more than is coming in, although I have some savings, it is scary to be losing money.

Any similar experiences?

Thanks

Malengwa 29 days ago

I had a similar dilemma, but when my husband started to go downhill, I knew he wasn't going to be here long, it was 7 weeks in the end. I actually took time off work and still am. I had no other family nearby so I did all the care and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

If your brother is around, and work helps you, do what feels right to you. Is your brother ok with that? He may want to spend more time with her? If the extra cash helps, can you explain that to your mum? You will still have 5 days with her, and do you have the option to go back to 1 day if she goes downhill again?

I found myself thinking, how will I feel if he goes quickly ( he did), would I be happy with the decisions I made? I know that's hard to even contemplate. But yes, I did make the right decision and it does bring me some comfort.

I wish you well in these days, making decisions are so hard when you're caring. Keep chatting here if it helps.

Gingercat 29 days ago in reply to Malengwa

Thank you Melengwa for taking the time to read and reply to my post in such a thoughtful way. I'm sorry to hear about your husband.

My brother is happy with it. Mum is not happy with the idea, saying that I would be abandoning her and that she needs me and I go out enough already.

In the past I'm used to Mum having my best interests and being strong and sensible. I find it very hard when she says things like this.

More from this forum

Mum doesn't want me to work