Grieving

Hi spiritinthesky. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband 3 weeks ago, and he got his wish to die at home with the hospice team around him. Like you, we cried a lot, but in the end it was quick and sudden, I actually thought he had a few weeks. Our house is still full of his equipment, I can't bear to send the bed back yet, it is exactly as it was left when they took him. 

I sobbed every night when he was sleeping because I knew he was going but also that I didn't want him suffering. Now I'm in the pain of the grief that he has gone.

I wish I had found answers, I never did,  but knowing others understand helps. I just got through one day at a time, held him, stroked his hand and told him I always loved him. Take any and all support offered, its hard but I did lean on kind people quite a lot. Still do.

Oh, do the hospice offer support for carers at all? 

Malengwa, I am so sorry you've had to go through this awful thing. Thankyou for replying to my post, the feeling of isolation is so hard and it does help knowing there are others in the same situation. I wish so much my husband could be at home, I feel I've let him down. There aren't any answers, are there? Thankyou again; my love to you xx

Hi Spirit in the sky  i am so sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband 4 years ago and saw the awful pain bone mets cause.  Like you I cried everyday knowing he was going to leave me and also didn't want to accept it.

His wish was to die at home so we made this possible with bed in living room and all his just incase medication which was needed a lot.  I don't think anybody can tell you how to get through this you just do it day by day. Nobody can prepare you for this it's just so awful watching a strong husband decline before your eyes and knowing you are going to loose them. Hopefully you will know his wishes  as this was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. He picked his songs and versus makes me cry  thinking about it even now.

If you have close family please accept their help,  I found accepting help was like admitting I couldn't cope, this was stupid  but I wasn't thinking straight .

You will get through this although it doesn't feel like it now. My thoughts and prayers are sent to you and your family. Xx

I echo what sad0000 said so completely. 

Spiritinthesky, how are things?

please don't feel you have failed him, you haven't. Tony always said that he accepted if he needed to go to hospice to die. Its the hardest most torturous thing I have ever done, watching him deteriorate,  caring for him and this week, saying goodbye at his funeral. Be kinder to yourself, reach out where you can and keep talking, whether here or elsewhere. 

Virtual hug to you x

He died this morning in the hospice. They were wonderful, so caring and supportive. I am broken. My strength was only for him, I have none for myself. I don't know how I can do this alone, he was my world and my heart.