Apologies in advance if this is too much. I'm feeling overwhelmed and just need to get this off my chest.
Coming up to 10 years ago, my mum was diagnosed with cancer and passed away five weeks later. I don't think I have the words to describe how horrific it was to watch her deteriorate and then have to deal with the aftermath of her death. I felt like I did this moderately on my own, as at the time, my dad went into a deep depression, and my brother left home shortly after my mum was diagnosed. It took me a long time to process my thoughts and feelings around this time, and I thought I had finally come to a place where I was at peace.
This was until my dad was diagnosed a few weeks ago with advanced prostate cancer. He was actually diagnosed 10 years to the day of when my mum was given her diagnosis. My dad's prognosis is looking good, and the doctors are hopeful they can contain the cancer and stop it from spreading.
I, however, can't stop thinking that the same thing that happened to my mum will happen to my dad. All the thoughts and emotions I had with my mum have come flooding back, and I just don't know how to handle it. I'm supporting my dad in making sure he has a space to talk about his fears and worries, but I don't feel like I can talk about my own without coming across as being selfish. After all, I'm not the one with cancer. I'm trying my best to be strong and stable, but most of the time, I feel like I'm drowning.
