I am fairly new here. I have written a post before and got some very kind and helpful responses. I am hoping that you might be able to point me the direction of where to find some emotional support. I am the carer for my husband who has recently been diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer which has spread to his bones, lymph nodes and spinal cord. He has metastatic spinal cord compression. CJ cannot control is bladder and bowel, he cannot stand or walk and needs carers to hoist him from bed to chair.
my husband isn’t keen on the carers doing personal care and as he needs the loo in the night, it falls to me to deal with it. I do absolutely everything in the home and look after our dog. I don’t have any family, my parents are no longer with us and my siblings come to me help rather than be there for me. When I told them about CJ’s diagnosis they said they would ‘leave me to it and not bother me anymore’. I have heard nothing since. CJ has three adult children but they aren’t close in proximity or feelings. They don’t want to know about day to day living and how things are going.
I have reached out to various agencies for help and emotional support, someone to talk to , as I am struggling to deal with my feelings. I realised I was beginning to drink an extra glass of G&T to help me,but felt awful so stopped doing that. I don’t sleep well because CJ calls me late night and early mornings for the loo .
my GP. Practice sent me a warning letter because I got upset when the receptionist was rude to me when I was handing a letter from my husband. I told her her refusal to accept the letter in spite of my being not only next of kin, but LPA and my husband had previously written a letter asking the practice to share info with me. She based her decision on the fact that my husband hadn’t signed a confidentiality letter. I didn’t shout or swear, but apparently I was aggressive and disrespectful. The upshot is I wrote to the manager to apologise and explain that I was not asking for information, just handing in a note they had asked my husband to provide. I have not received a response. I feel that I can’t go to the GP for help as I am labelled Asan aggressive person.
I phoned our hospice living well centre and asked if there was someone I could talk to. No one was available and I was told to phone back the next day. I didn’t because I can only make calls about me when I’m out with the dog. CJ gets too upset if I am sad. I immediately have to switch off from my feelings to help him with his anxiety.
where do those of you who have support as carers get it from? Our adult SSD assessed me for carers support but my next appointment to register as a carer is not Neil the end of January 2026! Sorry to have gone on so long.
Hi
One line is of course to ring the helpline here - 0808 808 0000 - open 8am to 8pm 7 days a week.
We are lucky to be quite close to a Maggies centre - no need for an appointment as we can just drop in, you might also like to check out our in your area tool for other support groups near you.
Another potential source of support for you is carers uk
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Malengwa, thank you for your reply.
I have gone down with an awful bug. I think it has been brewing for a while and finally wiped me out for a few days at the end of last week.
CJ has a Counsellor coming to see him next week, from our local Hospice. I will ask how I can get referred for some support. All these things, to help and support, take so long to get, the referral process for every thing from mental health support to continence pads takes months in this area.
we have some really horrible neighbours as well. We are used to muddle along but a new chap moved into the area and he is a real trouble maker and a bully. When I asked for some tolerance and consideration given CJ’s health, I bias met with the response that We have difficult times to deal with in our lives so get on with it. We live in a leasehold estate and this chap is the voluntary Director of the residents association. He and his chosen ones see things as black and white…no compromise, no respect for others. The self appointed committee rigidly to the letter of the parts of the old antiquated lease they agree with and threaten to enforce it on anyone who steps over the line….puts as clothes airer on their patio for an hour…they don’t like seeing washing drying outside!
I have tried to get CJ’s children to come and visit but they all live at least an hour away and won’t give up the time. I have to deal his upset about his selfish children, the neighbours and all the medical/clinical stuff too.
After reading your reply, I think I might try to complete an e consultation with the doctor rather than actually talk to a receptionist.
thank you for being there and listening, albeit virtually, to me rambling on. I hope you have managed to get some rest and relaxation over the weekend. Hugs to you 
