Hi Everyone, I’m new here, and wondered if anyone could give me any help on how to support my dad best.
We were told this week he has six months to live, after living with prostate cancer for 6 years, it came as a total shock to us all, my dad looks so sad every time I look at him, and I find myself crying a lot, which I know is to be expected.
its hard as we lost my mum suddenly 7 years ago, my dad found her, it was awful, he stated to go downhill after, and after many months of being poorly, we found out he had cancer, he has been in and out of hospital constantly since, he found out he had chronic anemia and it took a year to find he had a bleed in his bowel which was eventually sorted, he was also diagnosed with heart failure and kidney disease, and thought we might lose him on a few occasions.
He has stayed so strong over this time, so to see him now is heartbreaking, I have worked in care all my life as well as a hospice, so I know what to expect, and this is making it harder, he has refused anyone to talk to, I have chatted a bit about things as he knows he can talk to me, but I don’t know how I’m going to manage over the months ahead.
I do have siblings but not too much support there, apart from one sister, who is struggling too.
The consultant didn’t really mention what happens next, just told us the news and said he was sorry, and off we went.
Any help would be so appreciated as I know how hard this will get.
Thank You.
Hi Palm Angel
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it a positive and supportive experience.
I wonder what made the consultant come up with the 6 month prognosis, I am sure you will be more than familiar with the element of guess work in any prognosis. How you describe the meeting sounds very unhelpful.
My wife lost her mum suddenly and her dad after a long illness many years later. I was a bit the other way round, lost my dad after a long illness and then my mum very suddenly - even 10 years later I cannot say witch was actually easier. I recently attended a friends funeral though and the consultant said "grief is the price we pay for love" and that really resonated with me.
Has your dad had a needs assessment, the NHS website gives advice on this. You could also get a carers needs assessment at the same time to help support you both. I know how easy it can be to focus on the one we love and wear ourselves down in the process.
<<hugs>>
Steve
