Watching man you have loved personality change and cancer destroy your relationship

Thankyou

Thankyou take care

Sadly he passed away 10 days ago at home with me . Macmillan have been brilliant 

FSo sorry for what you’re going through.  Your story resonates.  Husband battling cancer and mets last 3 years.  The treatment has been debilitating and brutal.  It’s spread to his lungs, kidneys and brain.  Endless emergency trips to hospital, in and out for other complications.  Tried every treatment under the sun but nothing seems to shrink the tumours.  Now he can’t talk because of pain in his trach (primary was laryngeal, had voice box removed 2 yrs ago).  And he has chronic fatigue from the chemo.  We no longer have conversations because it’s painful and tiring for him to speak.  Unfairly I feel so angry and resentful at him at times because he’s become so useless, a shadow of the man he used to be, incapable of doing anything.  I hate what he’s become. I feel I’m carry the full weight of the relationship as I am doing everything.  I’m driver (he can’t drive anymore), nurse maid, pharmacist, carer.  I no longer feel like a wife.  Cancer is devastatingly cruel and lonely and has taken so much from us, turned our lives upside down.  I don’t tell anyone what I’m going through, no-one would truly understand unless they’ve been through it, but it’s a struggle day in day out.  Everyday I’m faced with sickness.  I’m terrified of a future without him, this has been so very hard to endure.  Many times, I feel at breaking point, I’m exhausted and it’s been rough on my mental state.  
Thanks for letting me rant. 

I feel exactly the same - and also so guilty for feeling like I want to leave !

my husband has stage 4 kidney cancer with mets in his lungs. The chemo has been and is brutal and made him so angry. Angry only with me though unfortunately. It dies actually help me to know others are behaving the same way. 
I feel awful typing this but I am truly at the end of my tether 

our relationship is ruined and leaving me with awful memories 

Hi Craftyhyg.

I completely know where you're coming from and please stop feeling guilty as it's not your fault.

Several months ago, life for my partner and me was pretty normal - not exciting but we got along and resolved issues when they reared up.

Over time however, he developed a hacking cough and his voice became so hoarse t had difficulty understanding what he was saying.  I begged him to see the doctor but, although I suspected cancer and told him so, he buried his head in the sand.

Long story short.  Last October, after telling me he couldn't breathe, I got him to A and E and it snowballed from there.  Stage 4 laryngeal cancer diagnosis.  Tracheostomy performed, two months hospitalised with no food or liquids, just tube fed with supplements through NG and then RIG.  He lost loads of weight and not being able to eat drove him crazy.  He also lost his speech!

Off to another hospital for surgery to remove his larynx, part of his pharynx and bilateral neck dissection. Huge chunk of skin taken from his thigh to create a flap and other procedures.  The op took eleven hours and I thought I might never see him again if he didn't pull through.  I've had no support from his family and made a million trips to visit him over those months, mostly by bus.

Anyway, he came home in January when I became his full time carer.

I've lost a lot of weight through stress and also got pretty ill myself, but kept going with gritted teeth and paracetamol.  There's been times when I wished I'd never wake up on the rare occasions when I actually get a few hour's kip!  On top of everything else, I found the first hospital had prescribed sertraline, an antidepressant!  These had an awful effect on him and caused his black moods to worsen.  He lacked empathy and the ability to cry (emotional blunting) and he was unconcerned when he saw me cracking up almost every day.

He's off them now and almost back to the bloke he was.  We laugh (him silently) and cry together.  I'm still fuming the hospital put him on those meds without informing us.

We don't know yet what the future holds, but we're working as a team even though I have to do almost everything now.

I know I've rambled but I needed to get this off my chest to others who know how I feel, as most people don't have a clue.

Thank you for your time.

Gill xx

Thank you for sharing . These pages seemed to full of these experiences. My hubby has with drawn from us can so grumpy and rude . It feels like marriage has been destroyed. I wake up every day with new mind set and take each day as it comes . Make sure you make time for yourself and meet up with friends . I do feel guilty when I go out but get done to sit and now have one of the watches that my phone is connected to . 
sending u a big hug x