Is what I'm feeling normal

Hi Mandy87 

I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. I was exactly the same when my now-husband was diagnosed with St4 bowel cancer in February.  It was like my body was in constant 'fight or flight' and it was tough. After a while my mind somehow seemed to take over as I processed what was happening and I found that I was able to cope a bit more. Every time we get a news update or if something isn't going well with treatment , I get those feelings again.  I'm no expert in all this but I have been told to make sure us carers look after ourselves. Do you have a support network around you that you can talk to? Here is a really good, suppportive environment and you will receive lots of support. Try and find some time for yourself too and be kind to yourself- it's a tough place to be.

I'm sending a huge virtual hug to you

Amy xxxx

Thank you so much your message it has really helped, I don't really have a support network as yet, we have chosen not to tell family before Christmas and ruin it for everyone, but after that everyone will know, I'm already in counselling for my own mental health and she will be supporting me, I'm so sorry to hear of your husbands diagnosis, I hope he will get the best results from treatment and look after yourself too, many virtual hugs your way too xx

Thank you xxx

You will find lots of support here and it's a great place where people understand what you're feeling. Hopefully you will feel less alone (I remember feeling like the loneliest person on the planet!), and it's also fine to have days where you feel sad and low- these are normal, just remember to ask for a hand hold or help - you will find that here too

xxxxxxxx

I'm already blown away by your kindness so I'm definitely in the right place, thank you I feel less alone already, we have been extremely fortunate to not have any cancer in our family until now so everything is so scary and unknown, but we will get through it together xxxxx

It really is scary- I was told several times to avoid google as the information is outdated (the urge to look for information and hope is so strong)  . We have had cancer in the family with my grandparents , but like you it's new and scary as my husband is only 42 and has an aggressive form so it's a different situation. Other people's support will give you strength and without sounding cliche'd (is that a word?) you do find a strength you didn't know you had, some days mine evades me but it is surprising how strong you can be. And on days you're not feeling strong you can get support form others. xxxxx

Thank you so much, I'm wishing your husband and family the best outcome and I hope you will be able to have a good christmas together ️  xxxxx

Hi Mandy87  

I’m so sorry to hear your news, I totally understand the feelings you are experiencing, as I have been struggling with exactly the same for the past two and a half weeks. I don’t know how but I feel over the last few days seems to have shifted slightly and although the overwhelming sadness is still present the physical symptoms are slowly subsiding.  It sounds counter intuitive but the advice to take time for yourself will help. I’m not usually one for alternative therapies, but my GP recommended trying yoga nidri meditation before bed to help take myself out of my own head and sleep better, and I have to say it seems to be beneficial. 
We too decided not to share the news before Christmas, and this forum has been invaluable to allow me to vent my feelings, as talking helps you make sense of what’s going on, some days I feel like I’ll burst if I can’t talk to anyone, and it’s times like this I check in here, and realise I’m not alone. Take good care of yourself, sending you love xx

Hi Perkins55 

I very much feel for you, and am in a very similar situation to yourself, we were told 2 weeks ago that my husband’s BC had progressed to stage 4 after spreading to his liver. Like your husband mine is also relatively youch (49), it just seems so cruel. 

Sending you much love xx

Thank you so much for your advice, I'm already feeling a little better physically, it felt like a horrible hangover but I think it was the shock leaving my body if that makes sense. I'm so so sorry you are going through the same thing, it's heartbreaking news at any time but right before Christmas has hit harder, I had everything done and sorted and wad ready to enjoy relaxing and watching Xmas movies with mum, and it breaks my heart when she apologised to me after the news for ruining Christmas. Its just devastating, we are going to try our best and enjoy Christmas and I hope you can too, sending big hugs and love to you and yours xoxo

Hi, 

, we’re a year into my husband’s cancer journey and It is still ongoing. He has had chemo, surgery, chemo and now chemoradiation therapy. I have gone from being a mess all the time, to having periods of normality now but always punctuated with bouts of crying. I can cry at anything and I think it is just a stress response. I went through what you are describing which is known as ‘anticipatory grief’ there is helpful stuff on the macmillan site about it. Reading things on this site can help, but you have to get past the stories of loss and recurrence and seek out the stories of hope, they are there. Speak to your specialist nurses, they are there to support you as well as your loved one. Also, speak to your GP, they may have a nurse who is trained to help the person with cancer and the carer. The macmillan helpline is great, when your thoughts take over and you just need to talk stuff through. You are not alone. It is a group none of us want to be in, but we are here and we will understand, even if you just need somewhere to vent. Also there is no such thing as a stupid question. 

sending hugs