I'm so tired of feeling sad

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Just over a year since my husband was diagnosed with Very High Risk MDS and mid way through cycle 14 of non-intensive chemo and I am so very tired of the unrelenting  feeling of sadness. I'm sad for him, I'm sad for me and I'm sad for not having the life we 'should' be having.

Knowing that this only has one outcome really doesn't help and a recent brush with neutropenic sepsis really ramped it up.

I willingly spend hours of my life waiting in the hospital canteen  whilst he has his treatment but it does add to the sadness.

Not a day passes that he doesn't say how unfair this is on me, but it's even more unfair on him!

I know there's no answers but I just needed to get it off my chest!

Sorry for rambling,  but thank you for reading. x

  • Hi  They are still unsure why hubby's red blood cell count keeps dipping. He can't have EPO injections because his body is making enough of it's own. So, it looks like blood transfusions every other week. The clinical notes from his 1st appointment has come through, perhaps you could explain to me what they all mean please?

    Diagnoses Anaemia and Thrombocytopaenia since August 22.

    Drop in Hb and platelets since August 2022; FBC normal prior to this.

    Examination: No evidence of hepatosplenomegaly or LN enlargement. Normal abdominal examination.

    Summary of relevant investigations & results: Hb 71, WCC 2.3, Neut 1.5, Plts 46 (16/11/22).

    Film: L shifted myeloid series. No red cell fragments. No immature cells seen. B12 and folate normal. Bili normal. Retics 25.

    He has a significant and rapid bicytopaenia (Hb & plts) which has developed since September. He has required 5 transfusions since, with some symptomatic benefit. Blood test to date suggest the issue is with underproduction of blood, but no clear cause has been identified to date.

    We discussed the differential, including myelodysplasia, after his radiotherapy/chemotherapy, although the short time between treatment, and developing the cytopaenia is slightly unusual.

    A bone marrow biopsy might supply them both with diagnostic and prognostic information. But to date he has decided not to take the test. And treatment will be the same = regular blood transfusions. 

    His MRI scan went well. Results and discussion with team 21st December. He is 9st 11 lbs now. Both of us have a nasty could at the moment. 

    Hugs x

  • Hi   I've only just seen this. I'm sorry you've both got colds, that certainly doesn't help, does it? Hope you feel better soon.

    It's getting late now so I'll drop you a private message tomorrow  about this, rather than post to and fro here. It'll be easier that way! x