I am an unemotional person, I have found several members of my family dead over the years, not at the same time but if there was an issue it was always me that was called for. Mother, father, brother, grandmothers, I was always sent in to sort out the situation, cold and heartless to the extreme. Several weeks ago we discovered that the wife is terminal with Lung Cancer and has no chance, my world collapsed. I am an emotional wreck and do not know how to deal with it. I have actually cried, real tears to boot, me! This is new, I never knew I cared for her, I just gave them what ever money they asked for, what ever they wanted I gave them. I provided, or thought I did, if anyone deserves to die, believe me it is me, not the wife. Since she has been ill I never knew someone could be so brave, for 40 years she has cared for this selfish bastard.
Hi PaddyJ
I was always the one "in control" and the one to turn to to sort out a problem. Then my wife got cancer - sucks.
Took me down but I found some friends who knew how to help - and many who would offer to help but were not always there just when I needed.
Often on here we see comments about how our loved ones with cancer are so brave - my wife hates it with a passion being called brave though - it was not like she had a choice.
If it is any help guilt is a quite common emotion as we can see here. I know somehow with my wife though we have found a new depth to our relationship though one thing I had to work out was making space for me because sometimes we need to be a little bit selfish just to recharge out batteries.
<<hugs>>
Steve
