hi all, new here and looking for support.
my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer in March 2020. esophagus cancer that had spread to his liver. He had a stent fitted instantly as was struggling to hold good. Summer 2030 he went through 6 rounds of horrendous chemo. He was allergic to it and after each time ended up with an ambulance and a few days in hospital. CT scans showed good results and tumours shrunk by half.
He had a good couple of months where he was picking up and starting to get stronger at the start of 2021 but then started not being able to hold food. He had an endoscopy and new stent fitted in May 2021 and a CT and cancer started to increase again so Chemo started July 2021. Again awful reactions and allergic and since then he’s pretty much gone down hill .
To add into the mix his Mum also had cancer and has for years but hers sadly spread to her brain in September and slipped away peacefully in October. This really hot husband as couldn’t really see her and he felt to helpless because he was so ill. His Mums funeral wasn’t until December which was a long wait.
we had a nice Christmas Day with just husband and his Dad as his sister had covid but Boxing Day, husband was sick and ended up with ambulance and in hospital until NYE. We were told cancer had spread to lungs but that was it. He was home but still suffering sickness so went into the hospice at end of Jan for 2 weeks. Seemed to be doing well in there are was in a much better place but then weds this week he was finally able to talk to oncologist from his hospital stay and cancer in both lungs and pretty much only been given a couple of months to live. This has really hot husband hard and I don’t k kw what to do. In the hospice he was actually smiling, he’s come home all depressed and keeps saying I don’t want to die. He feels he’s come home to die. I am trying to be positive. But I don’t know what to say.
I have mentally prepared myself for him leaving- it’s so cruel cancer and there is nothing we can do- I just want to try and enjoy each day we have left together but I don’t know how to get husband ti talk- I just sit with him most days and try and be there- I’m not forcing him to talk and jis
Hi
It sounds like your poor husband has had a terrible time and has been very lucky to have you alongside him. When I first came on to the forum there used to be a tip of "if you do not know what to say give a hug" and I remember when I have been ill even the gentlest of touches help to give me a sense of being less alone.
It is very easy to look at the care someone got in the hospice and feeling it was a better place - but then they have a full time staff of specialists - yet our loved ones often pine to be at home.
The trying to be positive bit - it is very easy to say but frankly I have been through the mill so often I realise that some days are just not going to work out as I might have hoped - but then the next morning we wake up with another chance.
Do keep posting on here, we really do get it and together we can make a difference.
<<hugs>>
Steve
