Hi,
I have never posted here yet but thought it's about time after reading everyone's journeys.
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer on 15th November 2021. We were told by our G.P. that it was either cancer or a blood clot and with working in the care sector myself, I knew it was cancer as he would have been given anti-coagulant drugs to break the blood clot down straight away and we were not given them.
I was with my dad when we were given the news and we were then told that it had already spread to his stomach.
The consultant gave my dad a life expectancy of 9months or 12 is he had chemotherapy. He said that it was too far gone and they could not cure it. My dad refused the chemotherapy because in his eyes, to get 3 months longer with his family was not long enough to endure all the side effects of chemotherapy and he wasn't strong enough.
Thank god for face masks as no one could see my lips trembling. I could see the tears in my dad's eyes as this new came as a shock. We both didn't expect as little as 9months.
We came out the hospital in shock. The 15min drive home felt like an eternity as my mum was waiting at home. When we arrived home straight away my mum asked how we got on. I said I would let my dad tell her but when I turned round my dad was breaking his heart. So I had to give my mum the dreadful new that my dad only had 9 months to live. You can imagine the state of the 3 of us.
Since then, my dad had a chest infection at Xmas. He is now struggling to clear the phlem from his chest and we have been at the GP regularly trying different steroids to help his chest. The steroids aren't helping at all. My dad now has liquid morphine as he has issues swallowing. We are waiting on our community nurse bringing a nebuliser to see if that will help my dad.
Tuesday 15th February 2022 we start having the Macmillan nurses coming in to see my dad.
I am exhausted as my mum had a stroke a few years ago and can't walk without a stick but her mobility is poor so I help her every day.
I work 60hours a week and my brother and sister live in Wales and Spain so it's not like they can help.
I am at my parents before and after work every day and on my 2 days off I am there most of the day cleaning and cooking so they can take meals out the freezer and just heat them up.
My brother and sister were both supposed to be coming home in April but because my dad doesn't think he is going to make it to April, my brother and sister have flights booked to come home in 2 weeks.
I have been through the angry stage of emotions thinking why, why my dad.
Then I went through the selfish stage thinking what about me, what am I goung to do when he isn't here anymore as my dad and I are very close and have been since I was born 51 years ago.
Now we are at the stage where my dad just wants it to end. He said if he had a wee pill to take to finish things he would take it and that kills me inside as my dad is a shadow of the man he used to be. He had lost a stone and a half in the last 8 weeks. He is so frail and has no energy or strength..
I don't know what else I can do to help him or ease his suffering 
Hi
Thank you for sharing your story since as you say we have so many things in common on here. The stages you have gone through are absolutely normal and you are doing a marvellous job in absolutely horrendous circumstances.
Totally get the idea of your fathers decision that 3 moths extra bought at the price of lifestyle changes around chemotherapy did not seem like a good trade. If you speak to the Macmillan nurse they may be able to help suggest support for you all, 60 hrs a week and then all the care for your parents may not be sustainable and then there is a question of what would happen if you got covid for instance.
Would it hep you to talk to one of our telephone staff - just ring 0800 808 0000 anytime between 8am and 8pm. They have been a real help to me in the past and so patient when essentially I sobbed out my story - nowadays I just see tears as the love overflowing from my eyes.
<<hugs>>
Steve
