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Oh Adlek, what a lot for you and your family to take on board. I really feel for you here and your dad.

I can relate to an extent to the emotional pain of not being able to see him at this time. When my husband was first diagnosed (he has a stage 4 brain tumour) I left him alone at the hospital 3 times over a 3 week period not knowing if I would ever see him again. The first time we had travelled to the hospital via a blue light ambulance and due to covid restrictions I was left standing on the pavement outside in tears. The second time was when he went in for his surgery. This time I was allowed as far as the ward door then had to say goodbye. In the first couple of days after surgery he was very confused and kept sending me garbled text messages saying it was time he was dead. That tore me to pieces. Two days after he got home, he developed a serious infection and as a family we had to drive him back to the hospital (he refused to let me call an ambulance and when I did, he refused to get in it) This time I got to stay with him for 3 hrs in a&e purely because he was so ill he couldn't give them his name and date of birth. He was admitted and again I was turned away at the ward door. Those are memories that will live with me forever. 

All I can suggest is to take each day as it comes. Hard as it is to hear your dad sounding confused, keep calling to talk to him. Inside he may be scared and confused ( we never really know when they're muddled like that). Keep checking with his medical team to ensure you are kept up to date with his situation and the plans.

Sorry I can't offer more comfort at this time. I really do feel for you all. 

It’s always good to talk so please remember you can  call the Macmillan Support Services on 0808 808 00 00 - most services are open 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week Clicking here to see what is available. This service provides lots of cancer information, emotional support, benefit and financial guidance or just a listening ear.

Stay strong. Stay positive. Sending you a huge virtual hug.

love n hugs

Wee me xx

He wee me thank you for listening and your kind words it’s just a struggle still as all so new and came out of the blue. Not spoken to any doctors for 2 days now so unsure what is going on but dads nurse said he is medically fit to be discharged  but now has to wait to be assessed by palliative care they chasing it again today the colorectal team to confirm he is unsuitable for any treatment then the MDT meeting but they don’t no when any of it will be done it has been 4 weeks today since we all saw him and struggling to no what to expect when we do as been told he is now bed bound and lost a lot of weight. How do you prepare mentally we have all be talking as a family about if dad can not be cared for at home as we still unsure to what he will need in place. I think not seeing him in person is not helping any of us at the moment. At least my little brother seems to be more talkative now and not in denial like the last few weeks he just shut down as if mo that’s not happened and talked as if was about someone else not our dad I am trying to help him and dads partner but hard to go home to an empty house with just ur own thoughts and everything going round in your head I am trying to be brave for us all but as soon as I shut the door at home I crumble yes I have shared my tears over last few weeks. I think it is the not knowing and I am scared I won’t hear my phone in the night if anything happens he is 40 minute drive from us all at the nearest hospital. Again thank you for the hug take care too xxx

So finally got told yesterday there was a meeting with dads Coloarctol surgeon his doctor on the ward nhd the MDT team and they are fast tracking dad to get him home as there is nothing else they can do for him and they have seen a detriation  in him over the last few days. Once the palliative team have review him and devised the care he need there will be an MDT meeting. e have no idea what to expect or what help we will get for his care and it is all very scary. What if e can not look after him properly at home which is his wish? Will we fail him?

He is hardly eating or drinking.  Finally today we was told his ward is clear and open for visitors o my brother nhd his partner have been to see dad. I made the hard decision not to go as I am full of a cold and cough and didn’t want to pass anything onto dad even with mask and sanitiser the fear of him getting pneumonia again terrifies me as he is so weak.heartbreaking seeing him on FaceTime and him asking why I was not there with him ;( Doctor said due to ho advanced and that his cancer has spread he probably has around 3 months. 

HI Adlek

hope your cold gets better soon so that you can finally get to see your dad. 

Take things a day at a time here and I hope you get a plan in place soon so that you can get your dad home.

love n hugs

Wee me xx

Hi

So so sorry to hear this. I am in a similar boat but with my husband. On Dec 3 he was diagnosed with extensive secondary cancer in length of spine, mass at the base, ribs,sternum, liver and lymph nodes in chest and abdomen. He has had liver disease for two years but the cancer is unrelated! Since the diagnosis he has been in hopsital another two times for 3 weeks each time and the second time ended up with covid and on covid ward where the care was diabolical. He is now in a hospice for pain management etc and ahs been there about ten days. He just wants to come home. Each time he was admitted he also had hepatic encephlopathy due to toxins from liver going to the brain and he was so confused etc. I found this the hardest thing to deal with. He now has severe lymphodoema in legs, tummy and groin and the legs and groin are weeping fluid. It's horrendous. He wants to come home and they are working on that but I worry even with help we may not be able to look after him here properly. It is all heart breaking and a horrendous situation to be in. I cna omly empathise with you. I am trying to take strength from my family and friends and getting as informed as I can. I'm trying to be supportive to hi, but also we're realistic too. We were told months but no-one can tell us what that means. Take care of you if you can x