I don’t know how I’m going to cope without my dad

FormerMember over 3 years ago

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Hello, my dad was diagnosed with terminal oseophageal cancer back in May this year. But has been poorly for two years with different things. There isn’t any treatment for him and we was given 12 months. Im really struggling lately I have always been super strong for both my dad and my mum but now I feel like I’ve lost this strength, when I’m around him I can’t help but want to cry and it’s not fair to cry in front of him. I am Constantly worrying thinking when they time is going to happen. Im also 5 months pregnant wish I just hope my dad will still be here when the baby is born. My dad is tired now and has said he has had enough, which I don’t blame him. I feel like I am Pre grieving but it sound so silly. What support is out there can anyone help?

beatriceh over 3 years ago

Hello there Stoke

I am so sorry to hear about this difficult time for you and the sad news about your dad. I lost my mum-in-law whom I loved very much to oesophageal cancer last year and I am full of sympathy and solidarity with you.

What with everything going on, it can be really hard to find any bright light (although congratulations on your pregnancy) and it is totally natural that you are feeling low - you are going through two really hard life changes at the same time. I don't think it's silly to say you are pre-grieving - anticipated grief is a real thing and there is no set pattern to how people experience bereavement.

If you happen to live near a Maggie's Centre, these can be wonderful in helping support carers and cancer patients alike. https://www.maggies.org/our-centres/?gclid=CjwKCAiAzrWOBhBjEiwAq85QZ3nI32icKNsbThvP4XWMbaojwTFGSxRPRZH8rWr_yEE9TQsHzIXMsBoC65AQAvD_BwE

If counselling is an option, it might be worth asking your GP whether they work with anyone who specialises in bereavement and carers' perspectives? Or perhaps there would be some support through Macmillan, or a local hospice?

There is plenty of help out there and I really hope you manage to find ways to access it,

Bea

We’re here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it might be. Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

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I don’t know how I’m going to cope without my dad