Leaving

Hi sunflower, even though there's only a few of us I cant express how it has made my feelings ok.

I know I'm lucky in the way my partner is not terminal but he doesn't believe it. The side effects have taken their toll.

But I am in a what about me zone!  It feels selfish but a year on I just need something given back.

Please feel free to rant  cry share anytime

Hi mama t.

I cant imagine how I would cope with terminal cancer. I am stuck in he is cancer free but doesn't accept that.

No positive in his life right now and I'm literally jumping about saying what about me!!

Heyyyy- sorry it's taken me awhile to get back to you. 

Hope things have perhaps settled down a little? 

Mine is kinda positive and optimistic however in bed with tons of pain about 22 hours a day- but then I wonder if he's in denial. I don't know how to bring up the difficult conversations we need to have. Like about his ressus status and wishes and how he would like to be remembered should things all go "tits up". I wonder about me to- am I just being a downer or trying to ready myself for the worst case scenario? Don't wanna force fate's hand but just also feel incredibly guilty about my feeling of- IF IT'S GONNA HAPPEN- THEN CAN WE GET ON WITH IT PLEASE?

Horrible person here. 

At times and others a Saint. 

All the best. 

Mama t  I take my hat off to you.  I would be having all the thoughts you are. And you know what it's OK. We are human to, we have lives and other people who need us.

We have a new lump and he is straight away...this is it  no more treatment and a week of hell while we wait to find out.

Hopefully it will be OK.. but im already thinking if it is are we going to go through this. For endless cycle. I'm so tired!!

Hope your ok xx

Dear Strugglin,

Hey- well how are you today? I think it's important to just think about one day at a time- and one moment- sometimes ONE minute! How's things at home- get any rest? 

We've just returned from the hospital where he had his CT scan to see if the immunotherapy is holding this ugly thing at bay or if it's galloping along. I am worried and worn out and sad and a soldier and a cook and dishwasher and and and.......BORED! Will we ever recharge and rejuventate and sit in the sunshine and just glow again?

All my very best,

T.