My mum had breast cancer in 2013. Sadly in 2019, we found it had come back and now in her liver, bones and recently found out the experimental treatment has stopped working and now it's outside of her small intestine, causing a partial blockage. She's been in and out of hospital over the last couple of weeks, they "fix" her then send her home again, for exactly the same problem to happen again -the latest admission being yesterday. My son and I have taken it in turns to care for her. She is nearly 80, stubborn, telling every one she's OK, when clearly she isn't.
My son and my brother are her next of kin (she won't let me be, because I have long term mental health problems, which has been controlled over the last few months), so she won't even let me talk to her doctor, I'm getting bits and pieces second hand from my son, my brother who lives 400 miles away is worse than useless, and refuses to talk to me (we have never had a good relationship), despite repeated requests via message for him to call me.
My son is in total denial. He seems to think that she will be back to normal in a few weeks, but having spoken to my aunt, a former nurse, we should be preparing for her leaving us. He just won't even entertain the idea, and I'm so worried about him. My brother is head burying too - his job is coming first. My son has a meeting with her doctor later, and I've asked him to ask the doctor what the prognosis is, as we need to be able to plan. My son and I are absolutely exhausted from taking turns in caring, plus my son works full time. She is also the most obstinate woman I have ever come across! The rest of our family live 100's of miles away, and she refuses outside help.
I'm at a total loss of what to do. I have no clue what to be looking out for, and trying to get her to ask for help is nigh on impossible, except yesterday when she couldn't cope with the pain. I have asked her to let me shoulder some of my son's responsibility, but she will only let me stay with her, not the medical side. I am so worried about the impact this will have on my son's mental health.
Any ideas????
Hi
Sorry to read about your mum and this in and out bit in the hospital - I think we can all recognize how hard that is.
It can be challenging with mental health issues where others then think not "loading" them is helpful - and unfortunately often the exact opposite is closer to the truth.
Certainly seem cases where people fluctuate a lot. Prognosis is something of a black art and often not really very helpful. My wife has clearly outlived any prognosis anyone would have even made and she almost always surprises her oncologist with how well she looks.
<<hugs>>
Steve
