My Mam was diagnosed with Stage 4 Bile Duct Cancer in early September and my Dad has been in a state of denial ever since. My Mam has been told that the average life expectancy of someone with this type of cancer is 6-9 months. My Dad finds it very hard to talk about and when we try to talk about things my Mam may want for her care and after her death, he can't cope and sits with his head in his hands. He is not able to cope with seeing my Mam during the times she is down and gets upset. How can I help them both? I work full time and have a family of my own so it's not practical for me to be there all the time. I do have a Brother but he is less available than I am due to his heavy workload as well as a family which includes young children. My Dad now seems to finally acknowledge the situation even if he doesn't wanted to accept it and is still hoping for a miracle.
I am guessing there are many others of you who have been in a similar position, so I'm just after some advise please on how to help them both?
Hi , sorry to read about your mam and the effect it is having on the rest of the family. Obviously you know them better than us but it may just be that is your dad's way of dealing with his emotions rather than not coping - it is hard for all of us and I know I needed help I could not get from my family.
For you (and possibly your brother?) it might help if we look at Supporting a family member with cancer as often I have found the first person I needed to support was me, the old saying you cannot pour from an empty pot certainly resonated with me at one point.
I did a living with less stress course and have had a couple of absences from work when things got too tough. An issue with average life expectancy is of course it does not tell us what will happen in a specific case,
Hope some of that helps, do post on here whenever though - we really understand.
<<hugs>>
Steve
