I just wanted to share my feelings/thoughts. My husband was diagnosed with Lymphoma in March, but this had formed on his spine and had left him paralysed since April he has been living in our living room which now feels like a hospital room. Every room in our house is touched by his illness. We have carers coming in 4 times a day. I'm lucky my work are so supportive of us. During this period he received a number of rounds of Radiotherpy and 5 rounds of 2 types of Chemo none of which worked. In September we were told that he had Osterosarcoma of the spine (1 in a million) and that is was terminal and untreatable, with approx 6-12 months. Throughout this experience my gut has always told me it would end like this so somewhere in my head I have prepared myself, where everyone has told me to have hope. I guess when you receive this kind of news you hope to make the most of your time but we can't do anything. He is totally bed bound. I know I'm being selfish but I feel so trapped and frustrated not only has this robbed him of his life but mine and our son's, we used to be so active always out doing things travelling, friends we did everything together every weekend we were busy. I miss doing the simple things together, him making me a coffee, going for walks, the gym, planning trips and having something to look forward too. All he does is work, he's lucky that he is still able to do this from his bed which I fully understand, but when I ask him to make calls to help me, he tells me he's busy. Since his last stay in hospital we can hardly say 2 nice words to each other. I am no longer a wife but a carer. He barks at me. I feel I lost my husband 6 months ago and started grieving for him then and I have now even started to think, hope and look forward to my future (I'm 47). What kind of person am I? I have tried arranging for him to speak to someone about his feelings but he just tells them he is fine. He is in complete denial, but I want to help him. Since his last scan in Sept to now one of the tumours has tripled in size, but he tells me everything is fine. I have a brilliant network of friend and family around me, and I feel I can say what I'm feeling and thinking but I think I sometimes I shock them with my practical way of thinking. I have transferred all the bills and organised all the banks etc, I would rather deal with this now than when its too late. I am a very factual person. I'm sure many of you will think I'm a cold selfish person, but I also think that some of you will feel the same as only a carer/partner will understand and I think its OK to feel like this along with all the other feelings we have. Sorry for the ramblings/thoughts x
Hello
really feel for you, I was a full time career at home for my Wife Linda, until she passed on the 19th July 2021. Every day was precious to me, I knew deep down that things wouldn’t improve, but kept praying for a miracle. She was given only a few months in December 2018, but kept fighting for another 3 years. We couldn’t do the things we used to, as she then relied on a wheelchair, but we still shared very special moments, which I will treasure forever. It’s her Birthday today, lit special candles for her, bought her Birthday and Christmas cards, which was tough, but felt such a strong need to. There is no right or wrong way to manage emotions in such situations, we all have to do what’s comfortable for us.
i mainly frequent the bereaved spouses and partners form, I have received and given a lot of support there
keep safe and well 
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
Hello
He’ll always be proud of you and his family, hold on to the love he had for you all, your memories of him are so precious, this will sustain you through the difficult times ahead
keep safe and well
Linda You are my best memory, You are all of my best memories
