Needing Understanding

Here’s a hug for you!  It’s a hard and draining journey and having 3 young children at the same time must be thoroughly exhausting.  We had three more non-cancer-related stress/trauma related events this week and I was near collapse. I said to my husband “I’m really struggling” and he said “oh, so it’s all about you, then?”  Honestly it was the first time in 2 years I’ve mentioned my own feelings to him and I’ve mostly tried to be supportive of him.  It was hard not to just get one word back of sympathy or comfort when I really really needed it.  But we go on.  I do have supportive friends but you’re right it’s nice to be able to share my rawest feelings and experiences, things I would never tell my friends, with people here who really understand and don’t judge.  So here’s a big hug for you!  I realise my story above is a little depressing and usually it’s not that bad.  So here’s something more uplifting- this week at work I told a couple of my team that for the next few weeks we will be really struggling, and while I’ll be able to work there may be times I will have to leave suddenly.  They were amazing and immediately and wholeheartedly said to not worry about it at all, do whatever I needed, and they would pick up the slack.  Some good people are really amazing and it is heartwarming to receive support like this.

Hi Both,

It is one of the wonders I find on our community, we know it is hard, we know sometimes our loved ones can forget how human we are too - and frail and the emotional impact of that life we thought we had planned.

Today I choose to have a good day.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Sending you the biggest hug   My husband has had a terminal diagnoses and caring for him whilst working full time (thankfully from home) is utterly draining. I am up throughout the night helping him and feel like I could sleep for a week without opening my eyes. Having to cope with three young children and your husband as well makes you a superhero!  You have been blessed with a positive attitude and that really is a gift - it will get your family through many more difficult times than if you didn’t have that. Sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job and your children and husband are very lucky to have you looking after them. Big hugs once again! x

Hi, I have lurked a but your post and the replies inspired me to join and send you a huge virtual hug and say Hi. We are very early in our journey compared to you, husband diagnosed with Stage 3 lung cancer in July, just finished 6 weeks of chemoradiotherapy. We have a 6 year old son. I recognise a lot of what you are saying, it’s a huge emotional rollercoaster and despite having a brilliant support network, the one person I need just can’t give me what I need right now and it’s so very lonely. I miss my husband and family life but he’s physically still there, just very far away. Also trying to be both parents to young children and support them is all consuming. You’ve got this, and are doing amazing job. 

I completely understand.  The mood swings when he was on steroids didn't help and the pressure he felt from all of the side effects from chemo and being told he's going to die is a lot for him.  My goal is to find a way to fulfill my emotional needs as my husband just can't and is unwilling to do therapy to learn how to cope in a healthy way from everything he is dealing with.  I'm sorry you're going through this as well.  Sending you hugs and my very best for today and this journey you are on.

Thank you.  Yes, it is very much take it one day at a time, daily gratitude, good friends, all of these things to help us and this wonderful support network from Macmillan.  Thank you for being a part of this.

Hi Bim07, 

Thank you for your kind words.  I'm sorry you are having to be up in the night caring for your other half.  How incredibly exhausting.  I'm wishing you all of the strength to get through this very difficult and draining time.  I hope you find some time to have a little rest and respite and some time to recharge your batteries.  

Hi MrsD123,

Yes it is very lonely.  You hit the nail on the head.  I'm sorry you are also in the situation you are in.  It is very draining.  Constantly adjusting my expectations as the situation changes.  I'm working on fulfilling my emotional needs because as you say my husband is also unable to do that right now and hasn't been able to the past 2 years.   Thank you for your message and hugs.  Sending you hugs and strength and mental energy to get through this.

My heart and thoughts are with you all . My husband was first diagnosed in June 2018 with spinal cancer, which resulted in him being paralysed needing carers 4 times daily. I too nursed him for over three years day and night.

He was diagnosed with lung cancer in december last year, then in September this year liver cancer. He was given a few months but passed away on 19th October, two weeks ago. His funeral is not until this Friday 5th November and the waiting is heartbreaking. He was the love of my life. Our lives changed completelly 3 years ago. I am still in denial taking each day as it comes. Just can't imagine my life without him. BIG HUGS everyone who needs them. There is only one big hug I need and he is gone.

Xxcxccc

I totally understand, my wife’s primary cancer remains undiagnosed but has spread throughout her body. I feel so sad for her it drives me insane. To see her change and worry every day makes me feel horrible. I don’t know what to do