After 4 months of trying to get to see a doctor for a lump on her tongue, the receptionist sending us off to the dentist, and the dentist saying we need to see the GP, we finally got it diagnosed as cancer and things moved really fast.
inside about 2 weeks she has an operation to remove the lump, and 33 lymph glands.
Though it all out 5 year old daughter sucked it up and was really brave when she was told she could not see mummy. It was also her first week in year R at school. Maybe this helped, because she had a focus. There was one night she had tears. We did talk about mama, and what was happening. And like everything else, as long as there is reasoning behind something, she accepts it.
11 days in hospital and she was home and has got noticeably better every day.
her speech is not far off, she started to try solid food today, so you know things are moving in the right direction.
Today I got a new job, I’ve been out of work for a month or 2, and in honesty The timing was perfect because I have been home for my family. Positive from a negative.
Today we also found out that in 3 of the 33 lymph glads, and she has to have 6 weeks of chemo and radio therapy.
thats 6 weeks of my daughter eating really random meals.
she is putting on a strong front and won’t talk about it, so it’s hard to take a load off her. Her family is 11000 miles away, and she hasn’t told them because she does not want them to worry. I respect that.
But I am not aloud to speak to my family about it either, and this is where the wheels start to fall off, because I need their help so hold down the job and pay the bills and mortgage etc.
I also can’t speak to my friends in case it gets back to her, and causes more problems.
So I am sat here with my thoughts. And my head is like a washing machine with all kinds of crap spinning round at a million miles an hour.
I have never been someone that can sleep for more than 5 hours at the best of times, so I don’t get much time away from myself.
Doing something different to take my mind off doesn’t work.
I’m not depressed or anything. Just really frustrated I can’t fix this. Usually I and figure anything out, but having trouble with it this time.
I really want a cigarette. I have not smoked it a long time, and even then it was the odd one. Usually while I was thinking about something, or had something going on.
seems a bit stupid given what it can cause.
I think the wheels are going to fall off and this is all going to go to rats, and a lot of it I can’t do anything about until does.
feel like I’m blagging it, which is never good.
she’s the one that’s got the hard job going through it all. Shes far better than me. I would be a proper mess.
