It's only the first week

Dear JoeyB. My husband was diagnosed with stage 3 melanoma in August of last year.  It hits you like a train. He only had a split finger nail, surely that can’t be Melanoma! 
someone once described it as opening the fridge door and a lion springs out..

as partners/spouses/parents/children it’s extremely difficult.  I am on anti depressants, dont like to but they help with sleep.  If you want to have a rant and scream feel free. 

there are lots of people within this community going through the same.  I don’t cope but I do try to stay positive and cling to any glimmer of hope.  We try to do as much as we can in whatever time we have. 

I do Hope the chemo helps. Sending you hugs and wishing you well. 

Hi JoeyB. I understand just how you feel. My husband was diagnosed with Lymphoma in February it was such a shock as apart from a really painful shoulder he was fine. It was pressing on his spine so he was rushed off after seeing consultant and because of Covid I was just sent away. Well the journey home was horrendous driving and crying, then having to tell everybody. It's the first thing on your mind every time you wake up. The feelings are so mixed. You are so unhappy because you can't make it better. You are unhappy because your ordered life has gone down the pan. Then you feel guilty because you get cross.My friends have been amazing as you try and keep it from your children. They are grown up but you still want to protect them. So my friends have been there to pick up the pieces when I have a melt down and I have had many.

On a better note. Treatment all finished now chemo and radiotherapy. He is still suffering fatiigue and aches and pains but we are out and about now. The stress now is knowing if the treatment has worked.

Appointments next week no date for follow up scan yet. Finger nail biting time. Covid doesn't help as you are shut out and I think it makes you both feel lonely and abandoned.

I didn't mean to rabbit on but it's good to share and know what you are feeling is normal. Just keep the brave face as best you can.

MLW

I understand your feeling of helplessness. My husband was diagnosed in February 2021 after having problems with eating & losing weight since April 2020. Long story short all his tests, X-rays & scans were coming back normal. In January 2021 he was unable to eat anything & was being sick. They could see a small area on the scan that they wanted to investigate so he was taken in for emergency surgery as they were concerned with a bowel blockage & they found the tumors. We have been told his cancer is rare & incurable. 

They tried treating him with bowel cancer medication which was IV followed by 14 days tablets & 7 days free. The first few cycles were horrendous. The tablets were aggravating his bowel. He was struggling to eat & he was losing more weight. He had no energy to do anything which was getting him down. He runs his own business & he is happier when he is able ti do office work rather than spend all day lying around. It was tough having a full time job, running a house & bringing up 2 children (age 7 & 10). They switched his medication to a 2 weekly cycle where he had IV on day 1 then he was given another drug via IV over 2 days. This seemed to suit him better and he was able to come home with a small pump to get his medication. Things started to look up as he was able to do some work which helped his mood. He did describe himself as Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde as he could feel himself getting more irritable as the medication got into his system. 

He then got another scan towards then end of his treatment in which the only small tumor which was visible on the scan had disappeared. His blood tests have always & continue to come back as normal with no visible markers. We booked a camping trip to take this kids away & were looking forward to getting some things done around the house & in the garden. However during our camping trip he suffered constant excruciating pain so we had to cut it short & get him to hospital. This time they did find a blockage & operated. Due to the tumor they were unable to remove the section but were able to bypass it. He has been recovering well after the operation & was starting to feel more normal. He has been able to get work done & even go out to work rather than just do office work. He has been having nonsense with the kids again & is able to help with cooking & taking kids to their various activities. 

We have been told that the surgeon gave a detailed report about the tumors they found. His oncologist has said she doesn't think the chemo treatment has helped at all because his blockage occurred so soon after finishing his treatment. Unfortunately we don't have a detailed picture of before treatment started so she can't say anything for certain. She has told us there is other medication we can try but it has worse side affects than the previous medication. We are back next week to discuss options.

Everything is such a roller coaster of emotions. Trying to stay positive but also allowing myself time to be sad. I don't actually remember the last time i actually felt happy. I smile at people and when they ask 'how are you?' I always say 'ok' but I know I am not ok. This week he has started feeling more pain & is lacking energy. I just feel like he isn't strong enough to try any more treatment at this moment. He has always said he would do whatever the oncologist recommends to try & beat this however it feels like a losing battle. 

Since February all I feel like we have done is 'hoped it will get better' but we have had very limited time when it has been better. People all say the right things & try to be there for you but nobody else really knows or understands. His sisters come to see him & offer help but they aren't really able to do any practical things like pick the kids up from school or activities as 1 doesn't drive & the other doesn't have regular access to a car! My parents are 2.5hrs away & although they came to stay with us while my husband was in hospital so I could visit him they can't really offer much practical help either except take the kids away for some fun during the holidays. 

I feel so lost & I worry about the impact on the kids. They know about the cancer & the tumors & that he might need more medication but we haven't yet told them that this will never go away & daddy is unlikely to be 'normal daddy' again. People tell me that I must have so much strength to deal with everything but I don't feel strong. It is a comfort to know other people are going through similar (although I wish they weren't). I wish there were face to face support groups so chat with people in a similar situation rather than just online.  

Sorry this has gone on for ages!!