Hi everyone
My father was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer on Fathers Day this year and the deterioration has been rapid. He has never wanted a prognosis but the hospice team have now taken over pain management and I feel the end is imminent. He looks dreadful and struggling to look after himself, he’s vommiting, constipated and barely eating.
My father lives on his own so all of this is a huge worry for me. I am trying to juggle work, being a mum and wife and my everyday life. It’s exhausting and I feel alone.
Dad has a community nurse going in every other day to drain lung fluid and an occasional visit from hospice nurse who has said that they are extremely over stretched . It is not enough and I don’t know where to go. The huge problem for me is that dad is completely uncooperative with talk of end of life and is hugely in denial about what is going on. He is making it very clear that he just wants me to look after him and I just can’t do it. I feel very guilty and emotionally drained.
Where do I go next for support? Ideally I want him in a hospice but he doesn’t want to yet because of the denial of where we are at. I need nurses going in every day now at least, he can’t wash himself or prepare food. All this is on me and I need help.
Any advice much appreciated!
Hi Luce81
I came on the forum looking for advice for the exact same situation. My dad lives on his own, is in the final stages of liver cancer and there's no other family to share the burden with over the last 3 years. To say its getting harder is an understatement and I'm trying to hold down a job, my mental health and running two houses / caring. I've just had a call off the District Nurse - dad asked her to ring me to ask if I would go and look after him. Meanwhile I've got a class full of 22 young people waiting for me. Its absolute madness and the burden put onto family members at this stage is a disgrace!
My dad was involved with hospice since July and his GP referred him on. You can also refer your dad on his behalf to the hospice - have you tried this? Also dads GP put him in touch with carers as he was end of life - he has carers going in twice a day to help with making drinks, emptying commode etc - could you ask your dads GP to do this?
It must be hard with your dad being in denial which isn't helping you look after him! So yes I would start with your dads GP to organise carers going in then take it from there. Believe me you are not on your own and I'm feeling the way you do right now. Its way too much for one person to hold the burden of isn't it? From other groups Ive been on - I believe another option is to ring social services and tell them he isnt being looked after, but this was never an option for me. I just carried on baring the brunt.
Good luck to you and I hope you find some support and respite soon - any tips - please let me know 
xxx
