I feel really sad and guilty writing this but I’m so utterly and completely fed up with our situation and all the extra stress that it is bringing.
My husband was given a terminal stage 4 lung cancer and secondary bone cancer diagnosis in February 2019. He was 38 at the time and we have two young children. I gave up work and went off on sick leave from my full time job as a teacher at that point and only returned to a new part time role in a new school in September 2020. We’ve navigated all lockdowns and shielding together as a family perfectly happily until January of this year when he had a seizure and it was confirmed that he has now got secondary brain metastases. So far, he is responding well to his new drug (well, new since January) but his pain has increased over the past few months and recently he has had a complete pain meds overhaul by the Macmillan team.
Lots of his pain meds make him nauseous. He suffers terrible sleep or lack of and he has grown increasingly more grumpy, and angry snapping at me, snapping at our children. Even though I feel incredibly guilty writing this, I am beginning to feel incredibly resentful of the fact that he does nothing around the house, yet criticises me, doesn’t get out of bed before midday, yet I know he will sometimes not have slept or been up being sick in the night. All that goes wrong- run out of milk, no bread, no plans for tea etc all the mundane stuff that you share as a couple seems to be my fault and I’m truly fed up. We have no life as a couple and I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Understanding that sadly in the next few years there will be a time when I wish he was back shouting at me again.
Hi shawc
so sorry to read about what you and your family are going through.
It does sound as though you are under a tremendous amount of strain so no wonder you feel so fed up at times. I get it. I've spent the past year juggling looking after my terminally ill husband, supporting our kids deal with their dad's situation, working full time and trying to keep myself going. It's a tough gig some days.
I've explored various wellbeing courses and taken up yoga to try to keep myself on an even keel. Does your employer offer any kind of free wellbeing/stress management coaching? I've been fortunate in that mine does. I've also heard that there's a living with less stress course available through maggies. Is there a Maggie's centre nearby?
Another option is to perhaps talk to your husband's medical team or your gp to see if they can offer any support for you.
There's always a willing listener within this group so feel free to reach out and vent here anytime. We all get it.
sending you a huge virtual hug. Hang in there
Wee Me xx
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