This is so hard to write but I don’t know what to do anymore, my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer 6 years ago and has been battling it since, so many chemo, radio and all that, she’s done so well and we have tried to maintain a normal life, Ive gone to uni, graduated and now I’m two years into full time work. But my mum has unfortunately been going downhill especially for the past year, she’s got so skinny and the cancer keeps spreading all over, now she’s barely eating and I’m just preparing for the worst.
What makes it even worse is that it’s just her and me in the UK, she’s the only family I have so I don’t have that family support network that most people have so it’s just me that has to deal to deal with it all and it scares the hell out of me how alone I’ll be. It’s just so hard to deal with, and of course I can talk to my friends but no one can make this better and I’m just terrified of how I can handle this, and how I can help my mum, she’s used to being so independent but I know that soon I’ll need to take care of her and I don’t know how to cope with all this.
I also get frustrated at how everyone I speak to just says “have you tried speaking to…” “have you contacted…” I just feel so alone in all this
how do others deal with it all?
Hi and welcome to the community though sorry to hear about your mum.
One thing that worked for me was doing a living with less stress course, I can to realise I was already living in a world where I had lost my wife and trying to work out how I might cope and that was stopping me appreciating what I have in the here and now. Part of the course two was some conscious breathing techniques that helped to deal with the unexpected but is also quite good for relaxation.
Friends who have not been down this path can often find it quite difficult to have any conversation about cancer and so may well try to deflect with the idea of talking to someone else - they mean well but I get your frustration. Frankly have had similar with some of my family - they are not always as helpful as we might hope.
As your mum gets less well she made need some more support than you are able to offer, your local council should do a needs assessment for her and at the same time it would be good to get a carers assessment for you so that you can both go forward more confidently and get the best out of whatever time you have.
<<hugs>>
Steve
