My dad got diagnosed with bowel cancer last year , treatable which is great , accept it doesn't feel great, he is so hard to live with and I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to I am 23 and I have 19 , 16 and 12 year old siblings so I don't want to protect my worries and issues onto them. They seem to be dealing with it ok, maybe it's because they don't have the responsibility I do.
I already suffer with my mental health I have a long term mood disorder maybe that's why I'm struggling more I don't know.
changing his chemo line is fine got the hang of that it's the mood swings that come after the chemo when he comes off the steroids and my dad is usually so full of life that I feel like I've lost him, I don't recognise who he is and I'm finding that really hard.
worried about the future because he pays the mortgage and he's the only adult I can rely on.
I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say I think I'm just putting my thoughts down because they get to much being in your head.
I work full time and do 12 hour days so between that I have to try clean the house and do dinner prep and then give my dad his meds and some dinner when I am home or he doesn't eat. Just really fed up of it to be honest I feel so overwhelmed and I am trying to be the best support I can be for my dad but I can feel my mental health declining so trying to find the balance in both.
I feel like everything I do now a days is just for him to make his life easier and I'm living to support everyone else, I don't actually care about myself because I just want everyone else to be ok which is just in my nature.
I don't want to work anymore and finding it really hard to go in most of the time , but they have allowed me flexible working and been a great support.
I've tried to do something positive by signing up to run half marathon for Macmillan in October. Hasnt really made me feel better though hopefully when I do it I get a sense of achievement.
I am an empath so I take on everyones problems and I feel the weight of my dads illness and our home circumstances heavily on my shoulders.
Things are just feeling really tough at the moment and his had 6 months of chemo and then a small break to have a stoma fitted. He's just started another 6 months of chemo and I just feel like it's never ending , I know these things take time but I find myself checking on him when he's asleep for hours in the worry he's stopped breathing , sounds irrational when I say it out loud but I'm so anxious, I dream about him a lot and worry about the future a lot.
im hopeing writting down and speaking to others might mean I become more grateful for my situation aswell as getting it off my chest
Hi Indie, darling you are dealing with so much. I’m an old woman of 69 with a husband who’s stage 4, so I can imagine how overwhelming it must be for you, trying to juggle all the responsibilities of supporting not just your dad but sounds like all the family.and also working. I’m sure someone more knowledgeable than me will be along soon but until then, deep breaths, hopefully writing it all down has helped a little. You are doing an amazing job but certainly need some help and support, I’ve found our Doctors practice very helpful, referring me to hospices and community nurses, maybe they could help. I initially rang the practice, receptionist told me to write it all down, then she forwarded on to Gp.
If you just need someone to talk to, there’s Macmillan, which you should find on this forum or I’m here if you need to get something of your chest.
Take care, big hugs 
