So scared

Hi Anna, I was exactly where you are now in April. It is a monumental thing for you both to wrap your head around. I felt like my world collapsed in on me and ended. You will be surprised at how much support you will receive in terms of care from district nurses, the hospital, GP, local hospice. Even this forum. Everyone is so incredibly kind, caring and supportive. You will get through this. Everything you are feeling now is natural, but you will process it in your own time - as will he. This is a wonderful forum and everyone on it is going through something similar. There is nothing but support and understanding here and it really does make a difference. Sending a big hug x

Thank you so much for your response. It means a lot. I'm struggling to go a day without crying currently. We have had no real time together since diagnosis as he has been poorly in hospital.

Fingers crossed he will get out soon and we can get prepped for his Chemo.

Think I'm going to need all the support I can get. X

I was exactly the same. My husband was in and out of hospital for about 7 months. The last time was a whole month and he thought he was dying. I have never felt so utterly devastated in my life. Totally alone and numb with tears that just wouldn’t stop. No one else can possibly understand how you feel so it’s difficult to explain to friends and family. But everyone on here understands completely. Their stories are all different, but we do have that in common.  You will be surprised at how much it helps just to share your feelings and your journey with others here. I really hope you are able to go and collect him before long and have him home with you. Makes the absolute world of difference just to be together. I know. X

Same here  and Bim07. My husband was diagnosed with seminoma in April and was in hospital for 8 weeks (2 bowel ops and complications). Home for a month then back in hospital for another 4 weeks with further bowel op. He's been home 5 days now and I'm probably driving him nuts constantly checking up on him as he's so weak from the ops and the chemo and has lost 2 stone in 6 weeks.

I'm terrified for the future as I have no idea if he's going to get through this or not.

I have a great group of friends and work have been fab but no one truly understands unless they've been through something similar.

I'm finding this group helps as everyone is so kind and I know I'm not alone in mine and my husband's journey. 

I hope all goes well in both your journeys.

Hugs x

Thank you for your kind responses. Martin finally came home 2 weeks ago but has been in acute pain since, he keeps on being sick and bringing up his meds. Palliative care nurses are being amazing, and have just sorted 'End of Life' medication which in itself scared me. What an awful name. They are trying to sort out the loss of appetite and pain relief. He is painfully thin and i feel afraid to hug him some days.

I feel like i am trapped in a nightmare i cannot wake from and it's awful. I constantly look at him and just break down, i can't bear the thought of losing the love of my life. It's all going downhill and far too quickly. Sorry if nothing i say makes sense, I am not sure where I am. I am trying to live for the now and be positive, but I feel stuck in the darkness. My heart is totally breaking and knowing I can do nothing hurts.

I am so sorry for everyone here on their own journeys, sending the biggest of hugs to you all. xx

So sorry to read your story but like you say everyone on here has the same story so we all understand the crying and mixed up emotions, some days i just get through it in a blur of tears and fatigue as one day he will feel fine and next day not get out of bed

.I  too am afraid for what the future holds but i know we have to go on for our familys sake but it is so hard when all you want to do is curl up in a ball  or hope its all a bad dream that you will wake up from. 

The reality of telling children even if the are older that we do not know how long their dad has left is just awful.

we had so many plan for the future  he was going to retire early this year and we had planned on travelling to the far east but cannot get passed the door now. I feel like i am grieving already for what we have lost, then i know at some point i am going to loose him aswell. He has been the love of my life since i was 17yrs old and cant bare to be without him.

I know we all have our own journeys on here but sometimes it helps just to realise its not just you going through this even though it feels like,it  doesnt  help when well meaning friends aways have a story about someone who has beaten this and say you still can.

Love to everybody going through this awful journey xx